Always and Forever
by dreamcatcherxx
Summary: Merlin goes back to the Crystal Cave to find a way to stop Morgana and her sister from wreaking havoc over Camelot, but he returns with more then he bargained for. So what happens when the one you hate turns into something very different?
1. A Beginning

Merlin returned to the Crystal Cave. After everything that happened with Morgana, the constant attempts on Arthur and Camelot, he needed to know what she and Morgause were planning. Morgana was Uther's daughter and what's worse was that she knew it too. Those two sisters' are unpredictable and he needed to know what they were going to try next.

The man that Merlin met when he first visited the cave told him that only someone that had been to the cave before, knew how to return, so that's how he found his way back. When he walked into the Crystal Cave, Taliesin did not appear as he did last time, which was not terribly surprising. How would he have seen a man who died two hundred years before, how he saw him the first time was still a mystery? This thought was going through Merlin's head as he approached the crystals, he couldn't see anything in them. The first time he was here he saw visions of the future in an instant. But now the crystals were revealing nothing.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, a crystal started to emanate a pale green light. It was beautiful and the light was illuminating every inch of the cave. Merlin slowly approached the crystal. Its light was mesmerizing. He began to reach out for it, completely ignoring the fact that it was most likely very dangerous, Merlin touched the simmering crystal. Immediately as he did electricity erupted from its base and shot out at him causing him to stagger backward. There wasn't any pain at first, but strange pictures flashed in his head, but they didn't seem to be of the future, they were of this…girl. He couldn't see her face, but she had dark hair and was in a white dress and from what he could tell she was…dancing in the sunlight, her silhouette twirling along with her. He tried to grasp the images in his mind but he felt a sharp pain rocket though his head. It was as if his mind didn't want him to know who she was. But there was one thing he could tell, she had to be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

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><p>Merlin returned from his trip late that evening and dragged his tired body to the door. His mentor looked up from his books with relief settling into his face.<p>

"Merlin" Gaius greeted his pupil.

"Hello Gaius"

"How was your trip, did you find the cave?"

His already weak smile faded and he looked down, disheartened "yes I did"

"And?" Gaius pressed.

"Nothing happened"

Gaius lifted his famous eyebrow "What do you mean?"

"I found the cave Gaius but when I went inside, I couldn't see anything. The crystals didn't tell me _anything_" he slumped onto the stool next to his mentor and rubbed his face with his hands.

"So you do not know what Morgana's planning?"

"No"

He thought about telling Gaius about the girl but he didn't think it was that important. That bit of information didn't really help them, and besides, some secrets were good for their relationship sense Gaius was really more like a father figure anyway.

"MERLIN!" a familiar voice bellowed down the hall. Merlin turned his head to see Arthur burst through the door, slamming it against the wall.

"Did you have a nice trip, _Mer_lin?" Arthur asked sarcasm laced in his voice, it seemed that not having his manservant to throw things as was making him a bit irritable.

Merlin striated up "Yes, thank you for letting me visit my mother" He replied seriously, taking Arthur aback a bit.

Merlin needed an excuse to go to the Crystal Cave and he couldn't exactly tell Arthur where he was going. So, he did the only logical thing to do in this type of situation, lie. He told Arthur that he received a letter from his mother, asking if he could visit her. The trip to Ealdor was about a day's ride so he told Arthur that he would reasonably be gone for about three days, which would give him plenty of time to find the cave and devise a plan from the knowledge he received, even though the trip was _completely _useless.

"You're welcome" Arthur was a being a little awkward but that was most likely because he got into a fight with Gwen and was annoyed that Merlin wasn't giving him any reason to be angry with him "But now that you're back, for tomorrow you can clean my room, polish my chainmail, wash my shirts, sharpen my sword, fix my shoes and prepare my good clothes for the upcoming feast" and with that he turned and walk out, closing the door behind him.

"Prat" Merlin muttered under his breath. Then turned and smirked at Gaius before trudging off to his room. It was good to be home.

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><p>Morgana was brushing her hair dazedly, lost in her thoughts. There were a lot of things on her mind as she stared into the mirror. In a matter of months she had not only found out that she was Uther's biological daughter, but he had disowned her as to not <em>impose<em> on Arthur's claim to the throne. Not only that, but how did she miraculously recover from a coma when Gaius had told her she was practically dead. She asked Morgause and she said that it wasn't her, so there must be another person in Camelot with magic, and someone close to her as well, but who? And on top of that, _Merlin _was back from his little trip. The very thought of him made her blood boil and she clawed her elegant nails into her vanity as his face popped into her head. She hated him. She hated him more than anyone, well except maybe Uther. He always seems to be getting in the way. She would have killed him a long time ago if she wasn't worried people may become suspicious of her. And she could not afford for her loyalties to be questioned, not after everything she went through to establish them, even if he is just a servant. And on top of all that she still had to decide what to wear.

Life really was so hard.

There was a knock at the door but before she could answer, Gwen walked in carrying Morgana's clean cloths. She was going to have to make her stop that.

"My lady" Gwen said respectfully. Gwen had been acting differently towards her ever since Arthur returned from his quest. And after she had planted the evidence framing Gwen as an enchantress they barley ever spoke. It slightingly bothered her why, but at the moment she didn't care enough to find out, she had other things to worry about.

"Hello Gwen" Morgana said cheerily (she did have to keep appearances) turning to face her former friend with a smile "How are you?"

"I am well" Gwen said a bit apprehensively, now smiling as well. "Have you decided which dress you wish to wear for the banquette tomorrow?" she inquired.

"I don't know" Morgana replied getting up and moving over to her wardrobe. I was deciding between my white one" she held up her white sequined dress with the tulle sleeves and stripped bodice that pushed up her chest "and this one" she held up her maroon halter dress held by gold leafed chain. Morgana pursed her lips looking puzzled at the decision she was making.

Gwen smiled when she saw this; it reminded her of the Morgana she used to know, her best friend, not this one with MAGIC! Morgana still didn't know Gwen knew she had magic, and she wasn't planning on telling her either. Morgana wasn't her friend anymore to any of them, and until she could prove it, Gwen decided it was best if she kept as much distance as possible.

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><p>Merlin was walking back from Arthur's chambers, his limbs literally felt like they were going to fall off. All he wanted was to slump into bed but no that would be terrible. He still had to collect herbs for Gaius as well. He just couldn't catch a break. He was rounding a corner when, of course, he bumps into the one person he'd been trying to avoid. Morgana. Great. Just great.<p>

"Merlin" she sneered giving her the iciest glare he'd ever seen.

"My lady" he decided to reply normally keeping his head down as to not provoke her, he was too tired to deal with her today.

But when he was about to walk he, by accident, looked her strait into her eyes. Even after everything she'd done, she still had beautiful eyes. Suddenly, a sharp hit him like a lightning bolt. He shook his head trying to shake away the pain but it just made it worse. It was exactly the same pain he felt in the Crystal Cave. And then the pictures came, but this time they were...moving. It was the same girl, but it was pieces of clips coursing through his head. He winced at the pain, but he could see the woman more clearly now. She was his age and was still wearing that white dress that twirled in the wind. But there was something swinging around her neck and she was laughing. She was like a dream, a beautiful (painful) dream. But he still couldn't see who it was. He put his hand to his head, trying to push the pain away and still sustain the pictures but ended with the same result.

Morgana watched in annoyed, bewilderment as Merlin suddenly jerked like he was having a really bad headache.

"What's wrong with you?" Morgana asked with annoyance and a hint of worry…wait what…

Merlin looked up at her, and suddenly the pain stopped. A wave of relief washed over him when he made eye connect, then for some reason his eyes drifted down to her lips. They looked so soft and gentle. He really wanted to touch them...NO! He snapped his head up to look at her.

"Nothing" he said flatly, and then walked away without another world.

Morgana watched him as he walked down the corridor, still very confused at what just happened. What was that about? Deciding to brush off the events that just took place, she walked back to her chambers. She had no time to worry about the affairs of a servant, especially not _that_ servant; she had a feast to prepare for.

But still, when she thought about the way he was looking at he...a shiver went up her spine.


	2. Breaking Point

REWRITTEN because looking back on it I really didn't like how I wrote it the first time

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><p>Laughter filled the room as everyone was enjoying the celebration. One of Arthur's trainees had finally been knighted which, according to Camelot's law, meant there had to be a banquette to celebrate. People were talking cheerily and almost everyone was drunk.<p>

Merlin stood next to Gwen, refilling Arthur's goblet. That guy could really hold his liquor, downing a cup a wine every ten minutes. He sat to the right of the king, who was just as drunk as everyone else. And to the left was Morgana, daintily eating her food and sipping her goblet every so often. Merlin had not even looked at her since he incident in the hallway yesterday. It was strange. It was almost as if he was _afraid_ to look at her, but that was ridiculous. He wasn't afraid of her, not in the slightest, and yet he still couldn't bring himself look at her.

Gaius had just walked in on the other side of the room.

Merlin, seeing that his masters' plate and goblet were full, walked over to greet his mentor.

"Hello Merlin, are you enjoying yourself?" Gaius asked sardonically, knowing full well that he had to cater to a winy Arthur the entire night.

Merlin groaned and rolled his eyes. Gaius knew that Arthur was a bit of a slave driver, bit being the awkwardive word. Especially if he didn't think Merlin was working hard enough. So, he would often give his manservant extra chores, or, because he felt like making Merlin suffer.

"Well look at it this way, at least your not bored" Gaius said jokingly.

Merlin laughed as they both looked over at Arthur, who was looking very much like a fool in the way he was hysterically laughing with his father. The King had probably told a joke that really wasn't that funny, but they were too drunk to notice, and even if they weren't, he was still the king after all. Merlin's gaze however wandered over to Morgana who was obviously fake laughing with the king and his son. He often wondered how hard it was it was for her to keep up the appearance of being Uther's "loving" ward, when her disdain for the man was so blatantly obvious.

He was broken from his thoughts when he noticed that they had locked eyes with each other, and it was strange because they weren't glaring (which they normally were) just staring. Until she realized that he was actually looking at her, then her gaze grew hard. He began to stare back with the same harshness when the pain hit him again. At first it didn't hurt that badly and he only winced, but a second wave of pain hit him and he felt like his brain was going to explode. He staggered backward and put his head against the cold stone wall. It was exactly the same as the last two times only significantly worse.

Morgana watched in anxious confusion as Merlin slammed his head against the wall in an attempt to stop some sort of pain he was in. 'Was he alright? What was happening to him?' she thought to herself, momentarily forgetting the fact that she was supposed to hate him.

"Merlin what's wrong?" Gaius asked worriedly, noticing his apprentice's distress.

Merlin clenched his fists as the painful images flooded through his mind. He still couldn't see who she was, but the images were getting progressively clearer. He needed to know who she was. He desperately tried to focus but he couldn't, the pain was just too great.

When turned away from the wall he looked up at Morgana again with desperate eyes.

She stared back shocked at look he was giving her. He looked so pitiful, like he was begging her for it to make it stop, and for some reason, she felt like she wanted to make it stop. She felt her heart break a little at him, and it made her furious. She shouldn't feel this way about him, she should feel anything about him, so why did she?

The second their eyes met again the pain dissipated just like it did before. Why did that happen every time their eyes met? What was she doing to him? This pain was clearly related to her and he could understand her wanting to hurt him, but what about that woman? How was she involved and more importantly, who was she?

They stared at each other for another moment before Morgana abruptly got up. She politely excused herself and turned to return to her chambers. And Gwen followed, puzzled by her mistress's sudden departure.

Merlin watched her exit the Great Hall and returned to his place behind Arthur. With a firm resolve, he decided that he was going to make her tell him what she was up to, whether she wanted to or not.

Morgana stormed into her chambers. She had no idea why she was so frustrated. She hated Merlin. He betrayed her, _poisoned_ her, and ruined all her attempt to ride the world of Uther Pendragon, a man that would kill her if he ever knew the truth. So why did she feel that she wanted to help him back there. It was the strangest thing. He looked like he was in an incredible amount of pain, and she wasn't the one to do that to him (although it's not like she wouldn't), but she was getting the weirdest feeling that _he_ believe _she _had something to do with it, which made her a mix of annoyed, confused, and a little hurt. She found herself become more and more irritated as she kept thinking about him.

Gwen followed her into her chambers. "Are you alright milady?" Gwen asked worriedly.

"Yes I'm find Gwen" Morgana replied shortly "I think I'll prepare myself for bed tonight, you may go"

"Are you sure-"

"I can take care of myself, now get out!" Morgana yelled her mask completely breaking. For some reason when she was around Gwen, her mask that she wore for everyone else could never really hold. She knew it wasn't fair, Gwen of all people didn't deserve such treatment, but she couldn't help it. The cracks of her true self would show through, that ugliness that she kept hidden away from the world, and Gwen, her truest friend, would always be the one to see it.

Gwen jumped back, started at Morgana's sudden outburst.

"My Lady" she hesitantly bowed, then left without saying another word.

"Damnit" Morgana muttered under her breath. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How could she be so stupid! If Gwen wasn't suspicions of her before she sure was now. Ugh so stupid! This was all Merlin's fault. He was just so frustrating; making her so mad she just wanted to scream. And what's worse was that she had no idea why. She felt like she needed a bucket dumped on her head she was so hot.

Morgana was about to go over to her wardrobe and change when the very man giving her so much grief burst through the door. Morgana whirled around to face her sworn enemy.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed, narrowing her eyes. If looks could kill, Merlin would be dead on the ground before he could breathe another word, but of course, he glared back at her with the same intensity she showed him. Because that is what their relationship had become. Icy looks and cold stares and they each would come up with a plan be bring the other down. They were two people in a never ending battle, always fighting each other with everything they had. They had been friends once. Good friends. But that time was over now. Now was the time for plotting and scheming and planning the others downfall. Because, they were enemies now, and you cannot love your enemy.

"What are you planning Morgana. I know you're up to something" he said fiercely.

She scoffed "I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Don't lie to me!" he yelled cutting her off. She was slightly taken aback by his commanding attitude before he continued, "What have you done to me?"

"This is ridiculous!" she spat "I haven't done anything to you and, even if I had, why would I _telling you _about it" she shot back walking passed him to leave. Wait, why was she leaving these were _her _chambers, even though she really wanted to get away from him. But before she could leave he grabbed her arm tightly, holding her in place.

"Let go of me!" she shrieked, astonished at how strong he was. For one lanky man he really was more then he appeared. The hold that he had on her tightened as she struggled and it was actually starting to hurt. She winced then looked up into his eyes, gasping a little at what she saw. She had never seen that look before, not from him. It was pure and utter malaise. He had always been the goofy, clumsy, idiotic Merlin that was the gentlest person she had ever known (before the whole poisoning thing of course), but when she looked into his eyes now, they were dark and slightly…petrifying. It was a look that she didn't think Merlin was capable of.

"Tell. Me. What. You're. Doing to me." He commanded through gritted teeth.

"I'm not doing anything!" she cried almost pleadingly; the hold on her arm now really hurting as she started into the blackness of his eyes.

Suddenly Merlin jerked away and staggered backward, letting go of her. Pain was shooting into him as he put his hands to his head trying to push the pain out. This was the worst it had ever been. It was like someone was pouring acid into his skull. He clenched his hair trying to make the pain stop, and then the vision came. It was perfectly clear now, clear as day.

_The woman of his dreams _

She was in the middle of a field during sunset. She was spinning around, dancing, her silhouette following her as she twirled around and around, laughing. She was in the same white dress and wore the same silver ring around her neck, her ebony hair flowing in the breeze. It was like he was in the field with her, watching her. She spun around and around until she fell, still laughing, and playing with the ring around her neck between her fingers. She was lying in the grass looking up at him. Her pale green eyes staring into his, her ruby lips curled into a sweet smile with her silky black hair spilled out over the grass. He felt as if a fog was clearing in his mind as he realized who the woman was in the scene that had plagued his mind for days.

It was Morgana.

But even as he came to this discovery, the pain still did not subside.

Returning to the real world he looked up at her "why do you look like her?" he whispered still clenching he head and squinting from the pain.

"What?" she asked now thoroughly confused and slightly questioning his sanity.

"Why do you look like her?" his said harshly. His voice was raised now and he was almost shouting at her. He stared strait into her eyes but the pain STILL did not go away. "AH" He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted it to stop, he needed it to stop. But the next thing he did both of them did not expect.

Frustrated, he grabbed the back of Morgana's head and crashed his lips into hers. His fingers tangled in her hair as he backed her into the wall, bringing them flush against each other. Sudden relief washed over him as he kissed her, but he wasn't really concerned with that at the moment. What was more pressing was the woman he was snogging, extremely surprised at the fact that she wasn't pulling away. But, it wasn't as if he was giving her much of a choice, with him forcing her up against the wall and all.

Merlin had no idea what he was doing. First of all, she was the enemy. Second, she was the king's _ward_, meaning if anyone found out he would have his head chopped of faster than he could say sorcerer (that is if she doesn't kill him first). And thirdly, she was Morgana. Morgana! It was wrong, so very wrong. But then why did it feel so right? He knew he should let go, should back away and beg for forgiveness, but the weird thing was, he really didn't _want_ to. Her lips were soft and warm, something he didn't think Morgana was capable of being anymore. But she was, she _really_ was. Her entire body radiated heat (which was most likely the tangible magic that was swirling around the room, colliding with his own) only making it harder for him to stop.

It was like his body was possessed as he pushed his tongue into her mouth, brushing it against her own. And as their mouths fought for dominance, he pinned one of her wrists to the wall, while the other started on her waist and worked its way down the smooth fabric of her dress before clawing at her thigh and bringing some of the dress up as well.

The different array of emotions he was getting from this encounter was incredible. Not only was he exceedingly confused, but he was also a strange combination of disgusted, scared, annoyed, excited, and above all…aroused by what they were doing. And for a several crazy moments, he wanted more of her.

Morgana was completely shell shocked about what was happening to her. Her heart was thumping rapidly in her chest and she feared that if it kept going at this rate it would fall out. She could feel his hot calloused hand scraping and her leg, almost like he was trying to pull her dress up. _What was he thinking? _This was insane! If anyone found out, Merlin would be a dead man. And for someone who valued his life so much, he sure was willing to give it away pretty easily for something that would never mean anything. If he were any normal man, she would have thrown him across the room with her magic and stabbed him with her favorite dagger, but she found herself powerless against him. The way he was touching her, and the way he was kissing her… It was something she had never felt before. Making her legs feel like jelly her stomach flutter with… no, that can't be butterflies!

He was crazy for doing this, but still, oddly, she didn't want him to stop. She could see where this was going, from the look in his eyes and the feel in his touch. She could see them stumbling over to the bed and ripping each others clothes off. She could see them laying together, entangled in sweaty limbs and hot breaths. And she could see herself loving every bit of it.

But that couldn't happen. That could _never_ happen.

He was the enemy, her sworn enemy. And that could never change. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that this kiss…it made something different.

It was like her mind was going at a million miles an hour and unable to keep a straight thought; her body reacted on its own. With her free arm, she clawed at Merlin's shirt, feeling up and down his neck before running her fingers through his thick hair.

It was intoxicating, what they were doing. It was almost a wonder how he didn't get lost in his desires before. I mean he had always thought she was attractive, that opinion of her never changed. And in some way there had always been this connection with her. Not just because they both had magic but because they were both exactly the same, both trying to find their place in the world. They had both started out in the same place but had ended in completely different directions. And after everything, they couldn't just go back to the way things were. They were on different sides of a war. They both had loyalties to other people, and they couldn't stop that just because…

And, sleeping with the enemy was not the most successful battle strategy. But somehow, that was where they were headed, especially when she (involuntarily) hooked her hand under his tunic. Finally realizing what was going on, Merlin abruptly pulled back, gulping for oxygen. He stared at Morgana for a second before stumbling backward.

"S-sorry" he stammered before backing to the door and quickly leaving the room.

Morgana stood paralyzed for a moment before her knees gave away and she sank to the floor, raising her hand to first lightly touch her lips, and then cover her mouth completely.

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><p><strong>First of all i want to thank everyone's reviews. I really didn't expect to get <em>any<em> especially with it being out in such a short time so i really appreciate it you guys. But anyway, K so this chapter was a bit juicier then my last one. The first few chapters have a lot more Merlin and Morgana action but not as much explaining of the plot, unfortunately for you I won't be doing that for a couple of chapters. I also meant to have this A/N before but my computer decided to be a douche and not do what I want, hey do you know that douche is French for shower. I found that quite funny when I found out but that's beside the point, anyway…**

**Coming up: Merlin and Morgana have the dreaded talk, where they discuss…stuff sort of. They're a weird couple.**


	3. Decitions

**Also Rewritten, for the same reason as the last chapter**

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><p><em>What in the hell was that?<em> Morgana screamed in her head as she tossed and turned in bed. It was after midnight and with all the magic in the world, it still would not be enough to make her sleep, but really how could she? He _kissed_ her. _KISSED _her! What the hell was wrong with him, what was wrong with _her_? How could she allow something like that? And how could she, even for a second, like it?

Morgana slammed her head into the pillow, replaying what had happened over and over in her mind. What had provoked him to do _that _of all things, especially the way he was acting beforehand. It was just so unlike Merlin. She had never seen that side of him. He was so angry at first, and then he was… He was aggressive and rough and slightly scary, and he was…dark.

She could see it in his eyes. There was darkness within him too, just like there was in her. The only difference was that she gave into her dark side; let it consume her soul, until she came to a point where when she looked in the mirror, she couldn't recognize who she saw. But that kiss. That kiss…it warmed something inside of her that she had thought died a long time ago. And he had done that to her.

She mentally cursed herself for thinking like this. He was just a stupid servant. A stupid, pathetic, clumsy, loyal, adorable, attractive… _wait what! NO! _

Ugh, why was she thinking like this! He tried to _kill_ her, betrayed her, she should _hate_ him, not desperately want to see him again. She did hate him, right? Suddenly, that resolve that she felt so strongly about a certain big eared servant started to seem not so resolved. And she hated herself for thinking that way.

The images of him popped into her head again, and she could almost feel him there with her. They way he smelled like herbs and old wine. The way his warm hand felt against her skin as it vehemently clawed at her thigh. The way his tongue felt so right inside her mouth, fighting against hers. She felt her body grow very hot the more she thought about this, the more she thought about _him_.

And, after a heated debate with the little voice inside her head telling her not to go (actually it was more like the angel and the devil thing but that was beside the point) she decided that she was going to have to deal with him sooner or later, so she figured sooner. Giving her more time to make him squirm before she finally crushed him like the bug he was. So she slide on her slippers and grabbed her favorite dagger before running out her door and off to Gaius's chambers, _completely _ignoring the fact that she was wearing nothing but a thin nightgown that was very close to see-through.

But she couldn't be bothered with that right now. The only thing on her mind was that vile and repulsive servant, and the revenge she would wreak on him, because no one does that to the Lady Morgana and gets away with it.

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><p>Morgana raced down the familiar corridor to Gaius's chambers that she had taken so many times as a child. When she finally got there, she put her ear to the door to check that there was no one awake to be aware of her arrival. After hearing the physicians rather loud snoring, she slowly pulled open the door and slipped inside, making sure she had not alerted anyone to her presence. She swiftly crossed the room to Merlin's bedchamber and slowly lifted the latch, pulling back the door and going in without making any sound.<p>

She supposed the constant sneaking out of the castle contributed to her lightness of foot and was about to close the door gently when she saw that Merlin was still away, staring out the window. She narrowed her eyes as she closed the door with a not too loud but clearly audible bang. He then whipped around to face her but she slam him into the wall like he had done to her before, only with the dagger she had brought laying right above his adams-apple, her other arm pinning down his chest.

She glared at him and put on the most menacing face she could muster. And, he audibly gulped at her intimidating exterior, because at the moment, she was actually quite scary. Plus there was the fact that she had a knife to his throat. But even though all that was going on, he was still somewhat more interested in the fact that her breasts were crushing up against him blocking his lungs from breathing, he was a guy after all.

"Morgana I-"he breathed out before she cut him off.

"I should kill you right here and now" she growled through gritted teeth.

"Please just let me explain-"

"cluck cluck cluck"

Morgana's brow furrowed as she craned her head to his bed "Merlin?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is there a chicken in your bed?"

"Oh, my friend um… wanted me to watch it for her, she um, didn't want her to get eaten"

"And how old is your friend exactly?"

"eight"

Morgana rolled her eyes "Well, why is it in your bed?"

"Delilah, doesn't feel comfortable in her cage"

After rolling her eyes again, "_Anyway-_"Morgana turned back to Merlin with the same looked she had before her brief break in character "I should kill you" she repeated, pressing the knife further into his neck causing a tiny drop of blood to trickle down his throat.

"I know, and you have every right to but please, just let me explain" he pleaded frantically.

She gave and amused smirk before backing away slowly, lifting the knife from his throat. _This should be good. _

He rubbed his neck, checking to see that his head was still attached before beginning. "I knew you would be coming looking for answers, so, to accurately describe them to you I wrote you a sonnet to help portray my feelings"

"Really?"

"No"

"Merlin" she warned coming back at him with the knife.

"Okay okay I'm sorry" he put up his hands defensively before she lowered the dagger. "But seriously now, I-I really am sorry, f-for what I did to you" he stammered.

"What you did to me?" she shot back trying to keep her volume down as to not wake Gaius. "You _kissed_ me Merlin, that's not something that you can just say 'sorry' for" her voice cracked at that; openly displaying the pent up emotions she was desperately trying to keep hidden.

"I know, I know, but I don't know how else to apologize" he admitted

She stared at him for a moment, taking in all his features, and then finally realizing that he was actually half naked. All he was wearing was a pair of ratty night trousers. The moonlight hit his face and as he stared at her in desperation, trying to covey what he was unable to put into words. His bare chest was darkened by the shadows of the light but still seemed to glow in a way that was hypnotizing to look at. She bit her lip as her eyes wandered down his body to his rather defined torso. Arthur's new training regiment had obviously paid off because his biceps and abdomen were showing significant growth, and looked rather firm and toned, something that she knew was true from first hand experience. _When did he get so damn hot?_

Shaking her head of the somewhat indecent thoughts that had decided to stream through her head "But why did you do it?" she found herself asking in a small voice.

He stood there for a moment trying to come up with an answer "I-I don't know" he looked away, not able to meet her gaze. Why did this have to be so hard? "I-I just…"

"Just what?"

"I just, couldn't take it anymore" he finally got out.

This only furthered her confusion and her brow furrowed as she asked "Couldn't take what?"

He sighed, looking around his room as if searching for an answer. He probably wasn't going to find one in this broom closet of a room but it didn't hurt to also have an escape plan in case she decided to lunge at him again. But really, how was he going to explain this, and would she even believe him? It _was_ somewhat crazy. And talking to your arch enemy about it was not something he was keen on doing, but under the circumstances they were kind of necessary.

While there was a very strong chance she was going to kill him after this, he at least owed her an explanation to his actions, even if he couldn't account for them himself. But, he should at least try, he owed her that much. .

He met her gaze once again, staring into those beautiful pale green eyes that shimmered in the moonlight. They were so sad, so filled with pain and regret, every feeling that he believed possible for humans to experience, he saw in her eyes. It was the first time, since he poisoned her, that she opened herself up to him like that, that he could see what she was feeling and how much hurt he had caused her.

He once thought her the most beautiful creature in the entire world, he still did. But her heart had been tainted black by the grief and betrayal that he had done to her, something that he was not proud of. _He _had turned her into what she was now. Before, he had been in denial. Claiming that her fate was inevitable, that he couldn't have stopped it, but deep in his mind he knew that it really was his fault. If he had helped her from the beginning, things might have turned out differently. She could have been a great ally, a great friend, and maybe even…

But she was his responsibility, and it was time he accounted for his mistakes. It may be the last thing he would ever do, but hey, at least he tried. So, he took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

"I had a vision" he began "of you"

She gasped but let him continue. "And you were…like a dream. You were my dream"

He paused briefly looking down at his feet before hesitantly continuing "you were in a field somewhere, I couldn't tell where it was, and you were laughing and dancing and smiling. You were so happy. Truly happy"

He found himself tearing up at this most cherished memory, _his_ most cherished memory. And even though it was…painful, he treasured it more than any other, because it was a memory of the girl that he fell in love with all those years ago, when he first saw her staring out of that window.

"It was something I had't seen in you in a long time, and I guess I just…I wanted to see that, just one more time. I wanted to see that girl with that laugh and that smile" and he smiled a reminiscent smile as hot tears dripped down his face "I wanted to see the girl I…loved"

Morgana eyes widened and she was at a complete loss for words. His confession, his tears, his guilt, the fact that he had just poured his heart out to her, it was just too much for her to take.

At first, she was even more livid with him. Because after everything he did to her, he still had the nerve to say that he loved her. You don't try to kill someone you love, that's just not the how it works. Even if he was trying to save Camelot, he could have told her. Of course there was always the chance that he thought she had already known what Morgause had done to her and was in on the plan, and it's not like she hadn't given him enough reasons not to trust her. And he did do it to save the city. But still, he could have found another way.

That was when a thought occurred to her. If he felt that way her, even then, then poisoning her… it was really more his sacrifice then her own. He was giving up the person that he loved to save everyone else, sacrificing his own happiness so that others could live to find theirs. And he was doing it all because he was the only one who held that burden. She then wondered what else had he sacrificed for the betterment of Camelot, and she had a feeling it was much more than anyone could even imagine.

They were complete opposites. She was selfish, he was self-less. She was angry and vengeful, he was calm and forgiving. She was a respected lady of court, he was a servant looked down upon by everyone else. She was the darkness, and he was the light. And even though all those things made them so different, he still loved her. After everything she had done, he loved her.

This was a man who kept his feelings closed off to the world. Never letting anyone in, never letting anyone see his scars, never letting anyone see the pain that he buried deep down inside, just as she did. Although she was different, she lashed out her pent up rage and pain on others while he just took it, and dealt with it in the silence of the night, when no one could hears his cries.

In some ways she thought he had it worse. Not being able to voice your distress so people don't worry. When he fell, _he_ was the one to pick himself back up again without any help from others. While she led the pampered life, always having a hand to hold, always having someone to be there for her, and he on the other hand, he had no one. Sure he had friends, Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, but none of them could really relate to his pain as much as she did. As much as she could, but until now refused not to. _Not anymore._

She should feel hate towards him, loathing, even pity, but no. All she felt for him was the agonizing hurt that had been tearing through his heart that she _knew_ had haunted him ever since the day Morgause took her away.

She had come there looking for answers and on some level she got them, but she had also gotten a new sense of enlightenment, an epiphany if you will. He was too good a man to deal with everything on his own, half of which she put him though, so it only seemed fair that she be the one to help him.

After a moment of silence that seemed to last forever, she approached him, lifting a hand up to his cheek and wiping away the tears that had been flowing freely. He was the only man that she had ever seen cry in front of her, and she like the idea that he was comfortable enough with her to be this vulnerable, especially with everything that took place between them.

"Well you know, I should report you to Uther, for defiling his beloved ward" she teased seeing the slight fear as he stiffened "but, I feel like Delilah would highly disapprove of that"

They both laughed, needing the comedic relief from such a tense moment. "By the way" she continued "if she gets your bed, where do you sleep?"

"Oh, on the floor" he replied pointing to the pillow and blanket that had been laid out for someone to sleep on.

"That must be quite uncomfortable" she said coyly playing with his hair when she leaned up to his ear and whispered "Then I guess you'll have to sleep in my bed tonight".

His eyes went wide as she, with one hand on his chest, gently pulled his head down to hers and lightly pressed their lips together. She loved the feeling that was shooting throughout her body at the kiss, it was exhilarating and exciting and so very, very warm. And it was exactly the same as before, making her not very keen on letting it go. In fact, she craved more.

She pulled back to gauge his reaction, chuckling a bit at the stunned expression on his face; an expression that he was abruptly pulled out of by her grabbing his hair and dragging his head down so he was forced to look up at her.

"Ah" he winced, trying to figure out what she was doing.

She glared at him, and he was now very aware of the dagger that she still clutched in her hand. Her "normal" menacing state came back with the addition of a slight curl in her lips, and her face went hard as it gleamed in the moonlight.

"But if you tell anyone about this, I will kill you" she threatened through gritted teeth.

He then tore out of her grasp and took a moment to collect himself before standing up strait and pulling her hips closer to him so they were flush against each other once more.

Now it was his turn to smirk as his eye grew dark and he answered "I accept those terms"

* * *

><p><strong>Third chapter, done. Ya this was very Merlin and Morgana romance and not as much of the actual drama, that will come in the second half of the story. Sorry for the people that were more interested in that but I have to establish their relationship before I can get into the more active parts of the story. You'll see when I get there. But that also mean's ur ganna have to stick around and read. I am nefarious like that. <strong>

**Next on the agenda: Merlin has something she wants to give Morgana, something that could change their lives forever… not really but I'd like to think so. **


	4. New Day

**Firstly, thank you to all my reviewers you guys are great and I love the comments you give, you guys are awesome. SO anyway, new chapter, I don't know if I need this but…**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Merlin…obviously **

The sun shined brightly outside as Merlin woke up. Slowly sitting up, he went over the events that took place the night before. The person next to him moved slightly so he looked down so see her sleeping peacefully. He smiled at her. She was on her side away from him, her snow white skin almost blending with the sheets. It looked so soft he couldn't resist touching it. He traced the side of her body with his finger, starting with her shoulder and working his day down to her waist.

"That tickles"

Morgana slowly rolled over to face him, with a warm smile gracing her face.

"Hi"

"Hi"

The smiled at each other lovingly. For that one night they had forgotten their past, they had forgotten their destinies and the just were. They were together, and that was all that mattered. The real world would still be waiting for them when they returned, but for now they couldn't be bothered with that. For now they were happy. Perfectly and inexplicably happy, so they held on to each other, tighter than they've ever held on to anything, for the fear that that happiness might disappear.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked softly

"Better than I have in a while" which was true, after years of nightmares and dreams she couldn't escape, this was the first night she actually did

"Good" He paused "But you know, you drool"

Morgana made a mock offended face "I do not"

"You so do"

"Liar" she chided playfully, trying to defend her ladylike appearance

He scoffed "I don't lie"

"Yeah well you snore"

Then Merlin made the same mock affendedness face "That is so not true"

"Oh yes it is" she retorted

"Oh yeah"

"Yeah"

"Well you're ganna have to pay for that" Merlin then dug his fingers into her sides and she shrieked while laughing and trying, to no avail, to push her attacker away.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door and someone tried to open it.

"Morgana?" Gwen called. Morgana had locked the door. Morgana _never_ locked the door. Gwen knew her mistress was defiantly up to something.

Merlin and Morgana gave each other terrified looked before jumping out of the bed, taking most of the bedding with them.

"Just a minute Gwen" Morgana called hurriedly as she threw on her nightgown and ran over to the door as Merlin was frantically trying to find his pieces of clothing scattered about the floor. Morgana looked back on him, amused at his frenzied attempted to put his pants on before putting on her formal face. She opened the door only slightly to let her head poke out of the space, facing her maidservant.

"Good Morning Gwen" Morgana said cheerily

Gwen started at her quizzically "Is everything alright?"

"Oh yes everything's fine" Morgana replied giving her the brightest smile she could muster, which really wasn't that hard, she hadn't been this happy in a long time. Gwen raised an eyebrow at this. Morgana had not been this gleeful since before she disappeared for a year, something was defiantly amiss. Seeing the suspicious look her former friend was giving her she reluctantly opened the door wider to let her in, desperately hoping that Merlin had hidden himself somewhere.

Gwen walked inside the chambers, immediately noticing the horribly messed up bed, and turned to Morgana, who was still hovering close to the door.

"Do you need help getting changed, milady?" Gwen asked as politely as she could

"No no I should be fine, thank you though" Morgana replied quickly, but realizing that she had already mysteriously dismissed her servant twice she added "But you know I am feeling rather famished this morning, so could you run to the kitchens and get us-I mean me! Me some food" frantically trying to recover her mishap, she also added "Oh and if you're hungry you should get some food for you too because then it wouldn't be me it would be us and um yeah-"she said _extremely_ awkwardly which Merlin was snickering at from his hiding spot.

Gwen nodded apprehensively and dismissed herself, leaving an obviously very panicked Morgana to wave at her as she left.

The second Gwen closed the door, Morgana ran over to the only place Merlin would have had time to hide in. She flew open her wardrobe doors to find Merlin tucked in between her dresses. He got out slowly and as soon as they got their bearings, they burst out laughing. It was the first time in a long time that either one could remember, where they could not care less about dragons or sisters and good or evil, it was just them, and they wanted to keep it like that forever, but they both knew forever would never last.

For the next few months they continued their secret affair in the shadows of the castle. Stealing kisses in alcoves and sneaking away from their duties whenever possible, getting up before the crack of dawn so no one would see them together. They spent most nights in Morgana's chambers. Merlin would leave before Gwen came, which thankfully went like clockwork. One thing about Gwen was that you could always count on her to be on time. At the beginning when she was still suspicions of Morgana's …activities, she would show up at completely random times, but as they got craftier, Gwen's suspicions faded and she began to show up more regularly. Gaius was somewhat reserved about his charges new obsession with not coming home until the next morning, but figuring that Merlin had FINALLY gotten a girlfriend, decided not to push the issue. Arthur on the other hand remained oblivious to everything, as always. He did suspect his manservant was hiding something, from the new skip in his step and the more cheery attitude, but chose to ignore it. Because it's not like _Mer_lin could ever get a girlfriend. But even so, Merlin and Morgana gave everything they had to one another, and desperately hoped that that would be enough, even though they knew it wasn't.

**Elsewhere…**

Morgause entered the darkness of a castle on the outskirts of Albion. What could they possible want now? It can't be good for them to want to meet so abruptly. She walked into a larger room with many figures seated at a long table.

"Morgause how is your progress?" a deep voice resounded from the darkness

"Things are coming along nicely" Morgause replied with a hint of hesitation

"Really because I heard your _sister_ has been ignoring you hehehe" a screechy high voice rang out

"Morgana had been…distant lately but I assure she is still very loyal to me and will be of great use to us" Morgause defended. Oh so that's what this was about.

A woman's voice was heard now "She had better; you know how essential she is to our cause. It is imperative that she remain within your grasp"

"I assure you she is, I do realize how important her part plays, she will not fail us"

The deep voice was heard again "for your sake, I hope you are right"

**Yes I just pulled that. Sorry for the shortness of chapter. It was originally part of the last chapter but I figured I should split them up because they were two separate ideas. I won't be able to update for a while which is why this update was so short but ya so RxR**


	5. Betrayal

**A/N: Sorry for the long update these past to week have been what I can only describe as hell. Anyway thank you to all my loyal viewers oh and to answer some people's question's, those people at the end of the last chapters are original characters that you have never seen before. And they are pretty bad ass…but not as much as Morgana. **

* * *

><p>It was Christmas time now. A time for joy and celebration, love and caring, renewal and new beginnings. It was still dawn but Merlin was lying awake in Morgana's bed (although with the amount of time he spent there it was more like their bed) thinking about something. He and Morgana had been together for a while now but he never told her he loved her. Come to think of it she hadn't said it either. It was an unspoken thing between the two but they had never said it to each other out loud. So, Merlin decided it was time that he did.<p>

He was holding a box in his hands. A tiny red box with a golden string tying it together. He looked down at her and smiled. She always looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. She began to stir, she could always sense when he was awake and it would always wake her up too.

"Hello sleepy head" he greeted her softly with a loving smile

"Hi have you been awake long?" she asked sleepily

He shook his head "No not really"

She propped herself up on her elbows he handed her the box

"you didn't have to do that"

He shrugged "I wanted to. Just open it!"

She laughed and slowly untied the box. When she poured the contents of the box out onto her palm, she gasped a little. It was a beautiful silver ring with intricate designs etched on the outside, and on the inside there was an engraving. And when she focused in closer on it, it read: _Always and Forever._

"It's beautiful" she breathed slipping it on her finger like it was an engagement ring, she wanted it to be an engagement ring, even though she knew it never would be.

He smiled satisfied "So you like it?"

"No... I love it" she grabbed his face to press their lips together. They parted only briefly for him to whisper "I love you" against her mouth.

She smiled wider the she ever had before "I love you too"

And there was it. They loved each other. Saying something like that was important. For people that kept their hearts so closed off from world, admitting their feeling their true feelings, it was something that made a difference. They had both spent so much of their lives keeping secrets from each other and from others that they cared about. Saying something as intimate as that especially to a person that use to be the one person to they kept their heart from the most, it meant something. It meant that they were special to one another.

He had finally admitted to her that he loved her, something that she had wanted for so long. But something small was still nagging at her.

"How did you get this?" Merlin was not wealthy in the least. He was still a servant and he could defiantly not afford something as ornate as that ring. So the only option was that he made it, but how? She loved him but he was defiantly no blacksmith. Especially sense this kind or creative design required someone quite skilled at the trade. So how did he do it?

He only smirked with a cheeky grin "it's a secret" he teased

She sighed "Well one day I will know all your secrets." And she would. One day she would know everything about him and he would know everything about her, because that's how much he meant to her. Always and forever, right?

* * *

><p>Some time later Sir Leon had miraculously returned from a scouting expedition that had been reported to be a complete slaughter. Sir Leon's patrol was investigating Cenred's border when they were attacked. Cenred claimed that they had been trespassing on their land and the killings were just. And Uther could not retaliate for fear of war. But when Leon suddenly appeared at the out of nowhere everyone rejoiced.<p>

"We thought you were as good as dead" Arthur said patting Leon on the shoulder

"Oh I was dead or as good as" Leon replied exhausted "until the druids found me"

Arthur and Uther's faces both fell "The Druids?" Uther cut in "did they use magic"

Leon was hesitant and new full well of the King's hatred of magic "Well I-"

"It's a simple question yes or no?" Uther said trying to hide the anxiousness in his voice

"All I know is that I drank from some type of cup, and from the moment the cup had touched my lips I could feel my life return to me" Leon explained "I owe them my life"

Uther thought for a moment while Leon and Arthur waited in deep anxiety when the king finally spoke "Well you must he tiered, we will leave you to rest"

After the meeting Gaius had examined Leon to find him in near perfect health besides sever exhaustion and dehydration. All of which he reported to the king.

"So Gaius?"

"Well I cannot be sure" Gaius began "but it appears to be the Cup of Life"

Merlin, who was eavesdropping unnoticed by the king, noticed the kings' sudden fear.

Uther rubbed his face in frustration "According to Sir Leon's description the cup is in Cenred's kingdom, it is imperative that we get to the cup before he does"

"Sire, the Druids are and extremely secretive people and would only use the cup for good, would it not be wise to leave the cup where it is" Gaius insisted

"I'm not willing to take that risk" Uther growled before storming off

Merlin looked at Gaius for a second before taking off in the direction of Morgana's chambers.

* * *

><p>Morgana raced down the corridor back to her chambers. She knew that he would want to talk to her, and she needed to talk to him too. She knew that on some level he still didn't trust her, but no matter how much that hurt, she was still willing to give everything to him. Because that what he was to her, everything.<p>

Morgana got to her chambers and immediately began nervously pacing around the center of the room. Thankfully Gwen was attending to Sir Leon so she was alone. But that was very short lived when Merlin blew through the door and closed it behind him. He approached her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"When do you leave?" she asked quietly not being able to meet her eyes

He leaned his forehead against hers, "We leave tonight, the king wants Arthur to find the cup as soon as possible"

Morgana bristled slightly at the sound of her guardians name "I don't want you to go" her voice high, she could feel her eyes welling up with tears as she pressed her face into his shoulder.

"I know, but this is important Morgana, and I have to protect Arthur, who knows what trouble he'll get into without me."

She laughed slightly but couldn't ignore the slight pang of jealousy at him wanting to leave her for her half-brother, even though she knew how important Arthur was to both of them. Even though she had tried to kill him once or twice…it was really more out of spite directed at Uther. And yes it was relatively twisted but she considered her time before Merlin a small lapse in sanity. She still hated Uther with a great deal of passion but she showed no ill will to any of their former friends.

She lifted her head to look into his eyes through her watery ones. "Promise you'll come back to me"

"I'll always come back to you" he told her and she could see the sincerity in his eyes. "I have to go, but I love you, remember that" he said before kissing her forehead. And the he was gone.

But before she could completely collapse she noticed something on her vanity mirror. Wiping her eyes she went over to the message at read it to herself:

_Sister, meet me in the North Tower. There is something urgent we need to discuss. All my love, Morgause._

Morgana let out a big breath. She had actually been trying avoiding her sister. With everything that she had with Merlin, she felt kind of guilty about not telling her sister. But she knew Morgause really would not approve of her relationship with the man that tried to kill her, even though she herself had gotten over that long ago. She understood why he did it and he had told her how painful it was for him. And she hated herself for causing him to make that choice. But she still had an obligation to her sister so she decided to meet the request and head off for the North Tower.

When she reached the tower it was already dimly lit with a few torches. Morgana turned around slowly to see that Morgause had suddenly appeared behind her.

"Sister!" Morgana jumped

"Sister" Morgause greeted with a smile pulling Morgana into a hug, but when she pulled back she had a grave look on her face "I did not mean to frighten you, but there is an urgent matter I wish to discuss with you. What is the news of this knight that has miraculously recovered from near death?"

Morgana's brow furrowed "Sir Leon? Yes he returned this afternoon. He mentioned something about this…Cup of Life"

Morgause's eyes lit up "The Cup of Life, are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely" she replied immediately regretting the words after she spoke them.

Morgause could not hide the delight on her face "Finally, the cup is within my grasp, and you said the knight came from Cenred's kingdom?"

Morgana could only nod.

Morgause's lips curled into a smirk "Then he serve to useful again"

Morgana could only mentally curse herself. She may have helped her sister but she also may have just condemned Merlin, and she prayed to the gods that he would be alright.

* * *

><p>Merlin and Arthur had set off to find the cup but were captured by bandits and woke up in some unknown castle. There they met up with Gwaine and got out just barley with the help of Merlin's magic. They then got to the Druids and retrieved the cup, but when making their way back to Camelot when they were attacked by Cenred's men and they stole the cup while also injuring Arthur. Arthur's leg injury was infected but he forced them to push back to Camelot only to find the castle burning. They snuck into the castle and made their way to Gwen's house where they found Elyan. Elyan had told them that the citadel had been taken and that the king had been captured. The party then crept into the citadel but Arthur's leg injury was taking its toll on his body.<p>

In the middle of the corridor Arthur almost dropped to her knees if Merlin had not caught him.

"Arthur you can't go on" Merlin advised

"We have to find the others" Arthur muttered a bit dazed.

Merlin sighed and turned to Elyan and Gwaine "Elyan do you know your way to the dungeons" he nodded "go see if you can find the others"

They both nodded and he'd off for the dungeons while Merlin forced Arthur to Gaius's chambers. When they got there it was terribly disheveled, the room looked like a tornado had hit it, but Merlin was able to plop Arthur onto one of the benches.

When Arthur grabbed his shirt "Merlin, you disobeying orders, I'll have you in the stocks for this" he fought out trying to ignore the pain shooting through his leg.

"You can put me in the stocks later just try not to move that leg" Merlin told him pulling away. He was rummaging through the vials when he heard movement from the closet. He picked up a metal bar in case they were unfriendly and quickly opened the door to find Gaius.

"Gaius!"

"Merlin!" Gaius exclaimed before pulling his apprentice into a tight hug.

Merlin pulled away to look at his mentor "Gaius where is Morgana?" he asked worriedly

"Merlin she-"

He was cut off when Gwaine and Elyan bluest through the door. That was when Gaius noticed Arthur moaning from the bench.

"Sire what happened?"

"I tried to heal him with magic but it didn't work" Merlin whispered.

Gaius nodded and inspected Arthur's injury. "It's infected, I must redress the wound"

Arthur declined "We don't have time for this, just give me something to keep me going"

Gaius nodded and went to prepare something while Arthur addressed to Elyan and Gwaine.

"The king has been captured and taken to the throne room" Elyan informed them when Gaius gave Arthur a potion. Arthur immediately got up and grabbed the weapon/walking stick that Merlin had just had.

"You two take Gaius to the forest" he ordered. The three nodded and left "Merlin you should go with them"'

Merlin thought for a moment "I've already been to the forest"

Then they both snuck off towards the throne room. They found a hiding spot on the landing above the throne room as to not be seen. When they looked down Morgause was at the head of the room standing in front of Uther with a very smug smile on her face.

"My my Uther how the mighty have fallen" Morgause cooed "I don't think you'll be needing this anymore" she hissed as she lifted his crown off his head.

Merlin, with great difficulty, had to hold Arthur down from revealing themselves and getting them both killed. But one thought almost consumed his mind. Where was Morgana?

He got his answer soon enough.

"This is unlawful you cannot do this, you have NO RIGHT TO THE THRONE!" Uther bellowed almost shaking from rate.

"No she does not" a voice rang out "but I do" Morgana stepped forward.

Merlin and Arthur's eyes both went wide but for completely different reasons.

"I am your daughter after all" she hissed venomously

Uther stared at her in complete shock.

"Oh don't look so surprised, I've known for some time" she backed into the thrown and Morgause motioned for the high chancellor to be pushed forward. He reluctantly placed the queen's crown on her head as Uther looked down in shame.

"I crown the Morgana Pendragon, Queen of Camelot"


	6. An ending

Chapter 6- An ending

Morgana stared out her window at the crowd below. The knights were lined up in front of a line of archers as she watched from her room. She did not want to be there for this. Morgause said that the knights had to die in order for the people to yield to them, but that didn't mean she liked it any better.

"I will give you one last chance to pledge your allegiance to the new queen" Morgause called out.

There was silence until Sir Leon yelled "Long live the King!" ok now they were just trying to piss her sister off. It wasn't the brightest plan in the world but they would soon be dead anyway so it's not like they were risking much.

"Then maybe this will help you change your mind" Morgause raised her arm signaling for the archers to take aim. Then she threw her arm down and the soldiers changed direction towards the people. Morgana watched in horror as innocent people were getting shot down like animals. Morgues never said anything about this it wasn't part of the plan! Only the knights were supposed to die not the citizens. This was going too far. So Morgana decided that it was time to have a chat with her sister.

* * *

><p>Merlin was running through the forest. Morgana's men had spotted him when he tried to survey the area and were chasing them but he quickly lost them. He made his way to the cave where they were hiding out and Arthur was still sulking in the corner.<p>

"How is he?" Merlin asked his mentor looking over at Arthur.

"He hasn't eaten anything" Gaius handed him a bowl of meat.

Merlin sighed and knelt down to Arthur, nudging the food at him. "Its rat, your favorite" he said trying to lighten the mood. "Come on, I've served you stuff way worse than this and you wolfed them down no problem-"

"Merlin, for once, leave me in peace" Arthur said tiredly rubbing his face.

Merlin sighed and turned to leave when a thought caught him. He was the one that should be sulking in the corner. Yeah she betrayed Arthur but she her betrayal toward him hurt far worse. In the long run she should have seen this coming. I mean did he really think she loved him. He was just fooling himself into believing that they could live in this fantasy world where she was actually a good person. She was evil, and she always would be. But Arthur being the one sulking about it frustrated him more then he cared to admit.

"You know Arthur" he began "You need to stop this. I understand how you feel. Your father lied to you about Morgana I don't know why but you can't bother with that now, your father needs you"

"...I've known her so long Merlin, how could she do this to us?"

"I can answer that. Morgana was your friend, you grew up with her spent time with her, cared about her..." he trailed off for a moment before regaining his train of thought "but you have a duty now to your father and to your people. They need you."

When Arthur didn't react Merlin sighed again and turned away, but when he turned back he saw Arthur picking up the meat and eating some of it. And he smiled a satisfied smile

* * *

><p>Morgana burst into Uther's study where she knew Morgause would be, rummaging through his papers to gain any more information about their defenses, even though she really didn't need it.<p>

"You never said that those people would die" Morgana growled at her sister who was unfazed by Morgana's anger.

"These things are necessary to ensure your rule Morgana, that is what you wanted remember" Morgause replied calmly.

"I wanted Uther gone I didn't want the citizens to pay the price, I didn't want them to die" she said weakly.

Morgause went over and put a hand on Morgana's shoulder "We need the knights allegiance if we are to gains the people's loyalty, I am sorry but this is the way it has to be"

Morgana shrugged her off "That doesn't mean I have to like it"

And with that she turned and left headed to the one place she could blow off all the steam. The only reason she was rationalizing such a cruel attitude. Morgana raced down the stairs to the dungeons.

* * *

><p>Merlin was talking with Gaius while Elyan, Arthur and Gwaine looked for supplies.<p>

"Any word from Lancelot?" Gaius asked worriedly.

"I sent a letter to Haldor days ago, he must have moved on by then" Merlin replied "We need to act now before Morgana gets any stronger" her name came out as somewhat of a hiss taking Gaius aback slightly but let Merlin continue "How was the army defeated before?"

"The cup had to be was emptied of the blood it contained, once that happened the enchantment no longer held." Gaius told him

"Then that's what I have to do"

"Merlin you don't know how to defeat a solider let alone an army"

Merlin thought for a moment and then dove into his pack.

"What are you doing?" Gaius queried

Merlin took out a strange vial "I received this when I met the fisher king. He said in Camelot's darkest hour when all seems lost; this would show me the way."

They both examined the vial before Gaius said "Yes but how?"

* * *

><p>Morgana entered Uther's cell as he was stared out the small window. But when she entered he turned to her "Father" she hissed.<p>

"Why are you doing this?"

_I will never let you touch him._"Oh come come surly you of all people must understand. Sometimes such measures are necessary." she said harshly putting on her cold exterior that had become somewhat foreign to her from lack of use.

"Those people were innocent" he whimpered approaching her before the chains held him back.

_I know, and I never wanted this_"As were so many that you put to death" she sneered.

The king straitened his back prideful even till the end; "If you must kill someone kill me"

Morgana scoffed at him. How stupid could he be? "You'll get you're wish, but not yet. First I want you to suffer as I suffered. To be alone and afraid. To be disgusted with who and what you are" she said appraising his pathetic state. She turned to leave when he stopped her.

"What have you become?" he whimpered

She smirked "It's unfortunate but this is how a monarch must deal with their enemies, it is what you taught me father" she spat

"And I blame Morgause and her magic for corrupting you"

She laughed at him unbelieving what she was hearing. He still didn't get it. This was his fault those people were dead because of him. He was like this because of him and no one else, and he had to know that. She would make him know that. "Once again how wrong you are. Just like so many times before. Morgause (and Merlin) saved me, made me feel I wasn't a monster as you let me to believe I was. I didn't choose my gifts, just like I didn't choose my father. Yes magic made me who I am but so did you Uther Pendragon. With your arrogance and your ignorance, you were the one who drove me to this and this" she pointed to the bodies outside "this was your doing. Just. You"

This time she finally did turn and leave and was almost out the door when he called after her "Do you really hate me so much?"

She craned her head to look at him one last time "You cannot begin to know how much I hate you"

* * *

><p>Merlin stared at the vial incredulously. He had spent the last several hours saying almost every spell he knew to get the water to reveal something of what he was supposed to do. So far the vial had done nothing, but that soon changed when it slipped out of his hands and shattered on the cavern floor. At first the water did nothing, but then suddenly a stream of the water glowed until it pooled in a crater in one of the rocks. And when he looked into is he saw a familiar druid girl.<p>

"Freya?" his heart leapt when he saw her face.

"Merlin, how I have missed you. I did promise I would repay you one day, now is the moment. The immortal army can only be defeated by a sword that can kill the living dead." she explained

"A blade forged in a dragon's breath"

"That sword lies at the bottom of the lake of Avalon where you hid it." she told him

"And you will give me the sword"

"In your hands it has the power to save Albion"

"Thank you, I'm just sad that I won't be able to see you again"

"Don't worry, I have a feeling we will meet again someday" she said cryptically. But before he could ask her what she meant Gwaine woke up startling him. And when he turned back Freya was gone.

* * *

><p>Morgana stormed into her chambers, startling Gwen who was making her bed, and took her place on the windowsill once more. She stared out at the courtyard, longing to see him riding up the street, longing to see him return to her, just like he promised. She crossed her arms and began twirling the ring he had given her, getting lost in her thoughts.<p>

"My lady are you alright?" Gwen asked but Morgana didn't hear her, she was only praying that he would return.

"Morgana?" she called again

"Hmm, oh, yes sorry Gwen, did you need anything?" she asked dazedly still looking out the window.

Gwen looked at her mistress in confusion; she had never seen Morgana like this. Well she had but not in a long time. Not since before she was taken. Morgana seemed nervous and afraid, very much unlike the stony attitude she had fashioned before.

"My mother was a maid in Sir Leon's home, we grew up together" she mentioned casually as Morgana still stared out that damn window "I could talk to him, try and make him see sense" she had to talk to him. He would know where Arthur and the others were, she needed to help him escape.

She anxiously starred at her mistress although Morgana's answer was rather surprising "Gwen you may do as you wish, I'm not one to stop you" she replied nonchalantly

Gwen could only stared at her with wide eyes completely shocked by her lady's reply. This was defiantly not the Morgana from before; this was like the old Morgana. But her mistress was also a great actress, so she composed herself and gave a low bow. "Thank you my lady"

She turned to leave for the dungeons when Morgana stopped her "Um Gwen?" she asked anxiously

Gwen turned back to Morgana to find her fidgeting rather nervously "Yes my lady?"

"H-have you heard anything from Arthur or, or Merlin?" her voice cracked at the latter's name.

Gwen's brow furrowed "No, I have not heard anything"

"Oh" was the only thing she said as she looked down in disappointment "that will be all, thank you Gwen" and she turned back to stare out the window, again.

Gwen stared at her befuddled for a moment before bowing and leaving for the dungeons. Something was most defiantly wrong with her.

When Gwen reached the dungeons she brought some food as a cover and divulged to Sir Leon her plan, unbeknown to the blonde sorceress watching her conspiring from above. Morgause smirked wickedly at this. Finally she had _something_ to get rid of that annoying maid having such a close relationship with _her_sister.

Morgause entered Morgana's chambers and sighed seeing her sister still staring out that bloody window. She was seriously considering getting that thing removed. Morgana didn't notice her at first until she coughed loudly to get her attention.

Morgana jumped, startled at the sound but smiled warmly upon seeing who it was. "Sister"

Morgause smiled back but more restrained then her sisters. "Sister, I am afraid I bring you some displeasing news."

Morgana's face fell and furrowed her brow in concern while Morgause continued "It seems that your maidservant, Gwen, has betrayed us." Morgana breathed in. "She is conspiring with Sir Leon to free him and join Arthur so he can reclaim Camelot. She must be executed at dawn."

"NO!" Morgana yelled catching her sister off guard. "I-I mean if Gwen is going to see Arthur, t-then we could send a party to follow them. She will lead us right to him" Morgana explained frazzled

Morgause thought for a moment. She had to admit it was a good plan. Finally her evil genius was rubbing off on her sister. And she could always just kill Gwen once they found Arthur anyway. "Alright, once she makes her move. We shall too" Morgause smirked evilly while Morgana just smiled back awkwardly.

Yeah she had just saved Gwen but she might have also just condemned Merlin. And she prayed to the Gods to keep him safe. But even if they did manage to catch the party, maybe Merlin could live with her in peace. They could be happy together with him as her new King. But she knew that was a lie. He was far too loyal to Arthur to except such an offer. Bringing her back to the question that had been haunting her ever since he had left, was his loyalty to Arthur more important than her?

* * *

><p>Merlin had made his way to the clearing and asked the dragon to take him to the lake of Avalon to retrieve the sword. The dragon had reluctantly accepted and flew Merlin there on his back. Meanwhile Gwen had broken Sir Leon out of prison and was making her way to where Sir Leon said they could be hiding, not knowing that Morgause was not far behind them. Merlin retrieved the sword and flew back to Arthur only to find Gwen there and being attacked by some immortal soldiers. He quickly took care of the ones in his path without anyone seeing the swords power and lead the party threw a ravine with Morgause's men hot on their trail when a bolder came out of nowhere and blocked the enemies path. It was Lancelot! That and some other chap named Percival or whatever. After which they made their way to a castle that used to be owned by the ancient kings. Arthur figured they wouldn't mind them hiding out there for a while. And the first thing they did was sit at, wouldn't you know it, the round table. Everyone gave their speech about why they were following Arthur yada yada yada. And finally the four men Elyan, Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival and not Merlin were knighted and it was a great honor and nobody really cared.<p>

Meanwhile back at Camelot Morgause was throwing a hissy-fit.

"Ugh" Morgause exasperated knocking some things off of Uther's desk while Morgana stared off to the side watching her with a raised eyebrow. "How could I be so carless? Ugh! I am truly sorry sister."

Morgana gave her sister a sympathetic smile while on the inside she was out of her wits with a mix of joy and relief. "It is alright, Arthur now only has a small band of misfits who can hardly compare to our army, surely. There is nothing to fear."

Morgause nodded "Yes you are correct, and we can be sure that he will try and make a play for his father. So until then, all we have to do is sit and wait" Morgause smiled confidently at Morgana who just smiled back and excused herself.

When Morgana got back to her chambers she squealed with excitement. They hadn't caught Gwen which means she made it to Arthur and more importantly her Merlin. That also meant that he was safe. It was the first good news she'd heard in a while. Morgause was right, Arthur would most likely try and make a play to free Uther and Merlin would be there too. Then she could catch him and explain to him what was going on. Maybe they could fake Arthur's death and he could reclaim the throne once Morgause was away on something (she would do that from time to time). Morgana didn't really even want the throne not anymore. She just wanted Merlin, her Merlin. Being apart from tore her up inside. Whenever he was away she would constantly worry about him and now was even worse. He could have been dead and she wouldn't even know about it. But no. She would know if he was dead, she just would. So she would wait for him, just like she always did. Because he would always come back to her. He did promise after all.

* * *

><p>Merlin was discussing his plan with Gaius and Lancelot.<p>

"If I can find the cup and empty it of its contents, Morgana will be powerless" Merlin told them.

"But Merlin aren't you forgetting something, the cup is guarded by an immortal, army" Lancelot said in a hushed tone.

"Merlin this is dangerous" Gaius insisted

"I know but I'll have Lancelot there" he patted the new knight on the shoulder

Lancelot nodded in confirmation " If you can find the cup, I will get you there"

The next morning the knights, Arthur, and Merlin successfully snuck into the castle without being seen. Lancelot and Merlin made their way to the 'warning bell' to make sure the other guards didn't know of their arrival while the others went to the dungeon, unbeknownst to them that Gaius was following them with Gwen right behind him. Gwen noticed Gaius leaving the castle right after the others had left and decided to follow him to make sure the old man was alright.

When the party split Lancelot and Merlin ventured to the cup room and found little to know guards. But when they finally reached the door guards were swarming it. It took some time but they destroyed those guards before quickly slipping inside the cup room only to find more guards! They fought them off as best they could but Lancelot was hurt by one of them before Merlin could destroy him. After all the guards were destroyed Merlin approached the cup. He was about to swing Excalibur to knock it over when an unknown force flew him back. He landed against the back wall very painfully and when he looked up he saw Morgause standing over him.

"I have a feeling I won't be seeing you again" she had her hand over him about to cast another spell when Gaius's voice rang out.

"No you won't_, Obswingo_!" Morgause flew back a few feet but quickly recovered. That was when Morgana and Gwen appeared, Morgana through the main entrance and Gwen through the one Gaius had used.

"Gaius!" Gwen called

"Morgause!" but Morgana's was more out of shock then of worry.

Morgana surveyed the room of what was going on. Gwen was behind Gaius, Morgause was about to attack them and Merlin was...lying on the floor struggling to get up! It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. She saw Merlin; her Merlin's eyes flash a bright gold and Morgause being flown back and slammed against a pillar. An awful crack reverberated through the room and everyone stayed silent for a moment reeling about what they just witnessed. Morgana's knees buckled underneath her and she fell to the ground right behind Morgause.

Then Gaius woke everyone up "Merlin the cup!"

Merlin then quickly scrambled to his feet and grabbed his sword to knock over the cup, breaking the enchantment and spilling the blood all over a pillar behind the cups pedestal. He slowly turned around to see Morgana staring at him. Their eyes met for the first time and it was like the world had just stopped. Everything just stopped and it was like they were the only two on the planet. He kept his gaze steely, adamant not to show the hurt he was feeling, while Morgana, on the other hand, showed it in every one of her beautiful features.

"You have magic" she said meekly, more to herself then to anyone else. But he did not react. He kept his features hard but his body betrayed him with a sharp intake of breath. It was like he had poisoned her all over again. It was clear in her eyes, the same look that she gave him a year ago as she was gasping for air. It was breaking him apart inside. He tried to remember that she had betrayed him first, that she had tried to kill him first. But that didn't make it any better.

Every single part of her hurt more than any physical pain she had ever felt in her entire life. Merlin had magic. That thought replayed over and over in her mind until it was burned there. After everything that they had been to each other he had never told her. There were so many times that he could have told her and he didn't. He could have saved her and he didn't. This was worse than betrayal this was the destruction of her sole. And now the way he was looking at her was like he didn't even care. She meant nothing to him, nothing at all. If her life ended right then and there she wouldn't have cared, it was pointless anyway. She actually wished for it, because then she wouldn't have to feel this pain. But to feel the good stuff you have to feel the bad right? Well right now she would have gladly given it all up and be completely numb. What she would have given up to just feel numb.

He swallowed before actually speaking rather harshly "It's over Morgana" _We're over, forever. _

Morgana looked down closing her eyes in an attempt to fight back the tears, the ring on her finger burning into her skin. And when she brought her head back up and opened her eyes only a single tear was allowed to drip down her cheek. "No, you're wrong" she said calmly her voice shaky as she pulled Morgause into her arms "This has just begun"

Then a whirlwind appeared around the two sisters. Morgause had taught her this spell in case she needed to get out of a tight situation, but right now she just had to get away from him. So she cast the spell lifting out of that damned castle.

And she was gone.

**A/N: This chapter is really long because it's based off of the series finale of series three but with my twist. This also is a better transition to why Morgana went bad in the first place rather than her just disappearing and coming back suddenly evil. Because let's face it, a broken heart is a pretty big reason to go bad, especially with a break up as messy as theirs. Don't worry Mergana's far from done but there will be a bit of a gap while I experiment with the plot. **

**Right so RxR would be greatly appreciated. **


	7. Ancients

Merlin stared outside his bedroom window. He had been doing that a lot lately, didn't know why; it was just the only way he was able to think. He didn't even have that good a view of the castle, that was a lie of course but he didn't think it was good. He hated it actually, hated its beauty. He had been hating a lot of beautiful things, flowers, sunsets they all seemed like the ugliest things in the world; he was even repulsed by looking at them. They reminded him of her, everything did.

The knock at his door broke Merlin out of his reverie. Swiveling around, he saw a head of black curly hair and chocolate eyes staring at him from his doorway.

"Gwen!" he put on his best Merlin smile, but try as might, Gwen could always see through his fake exterior.

"Merlin you've been sulking about for months now. Morgana was my friend too you know." She tried to give him a sympathetic smile but that only made him feel worse. He was lying to her. He had always lied to her about everything. Even thought she had accepted who he was and agreed to not tell Arthur about his magic. So he decided to stop lying, to wipe the slate clean. That was the only way he could move forward and forget about her, for good this time.

"Gwen there's something I have to tell you, but first we need to get Arthur."

* * *

><p>Morgana stood on the edge of a windowsill just like she had in Camelot, but this place was not Camelot. This place was different. Morgause had told her to come here if anything went wrong, but that did not make this place any more welcoming then it seemed. If they were trying to go for ominous they had certainly exceeded. She had never even met them before or even seen them in person; they were just brought to a room where a surge of healers rushed to her sister's aid. It had taken several months but her head would had finally healed. When...had thrown her across the room he nearly broke her neck and paralyzed her but the healers where skilled and they saved her, barley. It was all she could think about or more so what she allowed herself to think about. Because she didn't let her mind wander far from the condition of her sister, she couldn't. She couldn't think about Arthur or Gwen or Camelot or...<p>

She couldn't even say his name, think his name. Because every time she did his face would flash through her mind, and the look in his eyes, that emptiness, like he didn't care at all.

Shaking her head of those thoughts her attention turned back to the dagger in her hands. Mindlessly playing with it, she twirled it on her thumb until she felt the sharp prick of the blade piercing her skin. Wincing she sucked on the drop of blood that came out, but the feeling that she got from that little cut felt somewhat...liberal. Like she finally had control over something in her like. Like the physical pain that she felt would drown out all her sadness.

That was when the door to her room opened and she whirled around to greet her sister smiling at her.

Giving her a smile in return, she put the dagger down "Sister"

"Morgana, how are you feeling?" she asked worriedly. She could tell her sister was not alright, but chose to view it as her sister attempting to adjust to the life not of a princess. They were fugitives now. And that was a lifestyle difficult adhere to. But this would have to happen if she was going to be able to meet them.

"I'm fine, just a little tired is all." she had always been 'just a little tired' lately, but it's not like she could tell her sister the truth, she would never understand.

Sighing at her routines answer, Morgause attempted to change the subject. "We have been here for a while now and in that time you have shown great improvement in your magical abilities, which is why I believe its time you meet them."

Morgana's eyes widened at what her sister was implying "A-are you sure I'm ready?" she asked wearily, not sure she was prepared for this.

Morgause gave her a firm nod in return "Yes, now come, their waiting for us."

* * *

><p>Merlin and Gwen walked into Arthur's chambers to see him mulling over some papers, probably tax reports and other affairs of state. With his father ill Arthur had been forced to take over much of the responsibilities that would normally fall upon the king. Uther had been sick mentally and physically ever since Morgana's reign and from Gaius's examinations, he wasn't getting any better. The king was dying, and soon Arthur would have to take the thrown.<p>

Arthur looked up from his work when he heard the door open, "Ah Guinevere, to what to I owe the pleasure."

Gwen sighed preparing herself for what they were about to do, "Merlin and I have something to tell you."

The blonde prince stared at the two in confusion until Merlin stepped forward. After letting out a big breath and brief bout of regret for what he was about to say, he calmed his nerves and spoke. "Arthur I'm a sorcerer."

To both Merlin and Gwen's surprise, Arthur wasn't angry like they had expected, instead he was...laughing. Like hysterically laughing, he was even holding his stomach from laughing so hard. When he was finally able to breathe "Ah wow that was funny I needed that. Thank you Merlin. Alright now what did you two need to tell me?"

He didn't believe Merlin was a sorcerer. In all fairness that wasn't too surprising and somehow Merlin found himself being offended by his friends disregard for even the possibility that he could be a sorcerer, "Arthur, I really am a sorcerer."

Arthur's face contorted back to its confused state as it had done before when he looked to Gwen, who gave him a firm nod in confirmation.

"You can't be serious."

Sighing Merlin decided it was best to show Arthur what he could so focusing on the chair the prince was sitting it. His eyes flawed gold as the chair fell backwards with Arthur in it.

Arthur quickly scrambled to his feet, his look of confusion reached by a mixture of anger and hurt. "You!" he hissed and he looked about ready to sock his manservant when Gwen stepped in his path.

"Arthur please. Listen to him." her voice was kind, but reprimanding. If anyone could tame the hot head who was Arthur Pendragon, it was her. Giving him a sweet smile, Arthur's face softened and he visibly calmed down. And after taking a big breath, he spoke.

"So, you're a sorcerer."

Merlin nodded "Yep"

Pursing his lips, Arthur continued his inquiry "And you knew about this?" there was hurt and slight sadness in his voice when he spoke to his beloved.

Gwen nodded as well, "Yes, but only for the past couple of mouths, he saved me when Morgause was about to attack Gaius and I. Oh Arthur you should here all that he's done. He has protected us so many times, and saved Camelot just as much. Please just let him explain."

They both turned to the young warlock which Merlin took as his cue for an explanation. "Oh right okay so firstly I didn't tell you I had magic for obvious reasons-"

"So then why now?" Arthur cut in still fuming.

"Well Gwen busted me so her I didn't really have a choice with her, but for you I'm telling you for two reasons. The first is because whether you like it or not, you will be king soon. And when that does happen, you need to make some changes regarding magic. Not all magic is evil."

"Well how long have you been studying magic?"

"I didn't study it, I was born with it. As were most others."

Arthur's face when back to its bewildered state, "What are you talking about _Mer_lin,"

Merlin smiled at his masters use of _that_name for him, it meant he wasn't as angry as he appeared, "most magic users like the Druids and well...me were born with magic. They did not choose to have powers but were given them anyway."

"Well I never thought of it that way..."

"Your fathers view on magic has been tainted by years of battle and bloodshed. He's mixed his own past with delusions about what magic truly is."

"But what about my mother, magic killed her!" Arthur defended trying to restrain himself from lashing out at his friend.

Merlin and Gwen looked to each other with sympathetic eyes. Merlin had told Gwen the truth about Arthur's mother; it was part of the whole revealing everything bit. Which made Arthur all the more confused when he saw the looks on their faces.

"What?"

Gwen took a big breath and decided to answer this question, "Arthur, remember when Morgause led you to the cave where you saw your mother?"

Arthur glanced at Merlin who still held the same sympathetic look mixed with some nervousness, "Yes, but she was lying"

Gwen shook her head, "No, Morgause was telling the truth, or rather your mother was telling the truth."

"That's...that's not possible..." he trailed off staring off into space before he dazedly slumped down into a chair, "So you lied to me, Merlin" it was like he was in a trance, but Merlin only nodded again.

"If I hadn't you would've killed your father. You couldn't have lived with that on your conscience, so, yes, I lied."

Thoughts were streaming through Arthurs head at the new information that he was receiving. His best friend was a sorcerer, his father murdered his mother and hundreds of other people on the hypocritical ideal that magic was evil. What was next, Morgana and Merlin were in love? Now that really was insane.

But it did bring up a good question. "What about Morgana? Did she have magic?"

Merlin flinched at her name. He hated hearing it. Because every time he did memories of her would flood into his mind. His heart ached with the thought of her, but Arthur needed answers, and it was time that he gave them.

"Yes Morgana had magic. She and Morgause are half-sisters, as are you and her" Merlin replied as calmly as possible. If he ever met that blonde witch again he would kill her for sure.

"Magic corrupted her, didn't it?" Arthur was still in his little daydream, and when he spoke it was like he wasn't really there, but he was still listening.

"Magic doesn't corrupt, magic just is. Like any weapon in the armory, magic can be used to harm or protect. But she is the other reason I am telling you about my magic now. Morgana chose to use her magic to harm people, as she did even before she crowned herself Queen. And I fear for what she is planning. She will most likely want her revenge, and you will need my magic to stop her."

Now Arthur, having snapped out of his daze, and Gwen looked at him quizzically. Merlin took a big breath and began to regale the events of the previous year. After he was done telling his story he sat back and watched his friends' reactions. Arthur's face was a mix of angry, hurt and disappointed while Gwen's was merely sad. She had expected her friend was different after she had come back but she hadn't realized how different, how much she had changed. Merlin had conveniently left out the part about him and Morgana being together, he didn't need them knowing about something like that, not when they already had a lot to handle, so he decided to leave that for a later date, that meaning never.

After a moment of silence Arthur finally spoke, "None of this information must leave this room. Morgana was a beloved Lady of the court before…everything and the people do not need to know about her betrayal. It will only cause panic and mistrust of the court. But we need to prepare, who knows what she could be planning next."

* * *

><p>Morgana followed her sister down a series of long hallways until they reached two large oak doors. Motioning for them to open, the two entered what looked to be a dining hall because there was a long table with several figures seated around. Everyone looked to them as they entered.<p>

"Ah Morgana, we meet at last." an elder woman's voice called out behind one of the chairs from which she emerged. She was a tall woman significantly older then herself and if she had to gauge it, it would be around Uther's age. She had strawberry blonde curly locks and dark green eyes that pierced through her. From what Morgana could tell the woman had aged quite nicely, still being able to keep some of the beauty from her youth, but there was a type of…eerie feeling about her, foreboding, like there was defiantly more to her then she from what she could see.

Coming over to them, she introduced herself "My name is Lilith, it's so good to finally meet you." Lilith gave her a warm smile, probably sensing her apprehensiveness, so Morgana smiled back in turn, but stayed silent as the woman continued to speak. "We have waited a long time for this, has Morgause told you who we are."

Morgana shook her head and glanced around the room. Actually Morgause hadn't told her who they were. Her sister's reluctance to offer any information about these people was partly the cause for her anxiousness. All Morgause had said were that they were a powerful group of sorcerers that had helped her in the past, but she did not give any details about individual members or the purpose of the group. And by the looks she was getting from the other people at the table, it seemed that they were hesitant to tell her as well. They all varied in age, gender and looks, not one of them looked the same as another and by what she could tell they all held some sort of wealth.

When Morgana looked back to Lilith, the woman was still staring at her with the same smile on her face. "Well then, I suppose there is much we must discuss, come." She gestured to another door that led out to the courtyard. Morgana looked back to her sister, who gave her an encouraging nod, and followed the woman outside while Morgause stayed in the other room.

They stayed silent walking the halls that lined the courtyard until Lilith finally spoke "I've heard you're story you know, parents killed when you were so young, and then forced to live with a brute of a man and hide you're magic for fear of being executed, just for who you are. That is a cruel fate to befall anyone, and I'm truly sorry you had to live through such a tragedy." The woman sounded sincere but stayed facing forward.

"Thank you" Morgana replied softy and looking down at her feet. She didn't like to remember those day, they were painful especially because he was in most of them.

"But all these trials and tribulations, they are what makes us strong. We are a group of people who have all suffered at the hands of fate, who have been wronged in some way or another, and who just want to belong." Lilith stopped and turned to Morgana. "And we want you to join us."

Morgana stared wide eyed at the woman's request. Yes these people had helped them but they were an elite group of powerful people, far more then herself, why would they want someone like her.

As if detecting Morgana's surprise, Lilith continued "You have great potential and a drive to do incredible things, all you need is the proper training and I am willing to help you with that. I want you to become my apprentice."

Now Morgana was really shocked. How was she supposed to react to this? She knew she should be happy, someone teaching her how to control her magic, she should be accepting this offer graciously, but all she could do was stare blank-faced at the woman in front of her. "I-I don't know what to say…"

"Morgana, you have been hurt, abused by people that you thought cared about you. I understand that. You believed they were your friends, and were betrayed. You deserve the closer of revenge. I can help you to do that."

That struck something inside Morgana. Revenge. That word replayed over and over in her mind. It was something she wasn't sure she wanted, not up until this point. Lilith was right. They had betrayed her he had betrayed her, time and time again. He lied to her, hid himself from her like the coward that he was. She truly did hate him. With every fiber of her being she hated him. He never loved her, because you don't do that to people that you love. Boiling anger raged throughout her body the more she thought about him. Everything about him made her sick to her stomach. He needed to pay for what he did, she needed to make him pay, and if she would have to sell her sole to do that, then she would.

With a firm resolve, she gave the woman an adamant look "Thank you, I would be honored."

Lilith smirked knowingly. This was perfect. With Morgana Le Fay on their side, how could they lose? "Good, now have you heard of a people called the Ancients."

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><p><em>Emrys...<em>

Merlin was walking back from Arthur's chambers lost in his own thoughts when he found himself at two large oak doors. The same doors that had haunted his memory for months now, ever since that day. He hadn't been in there, refused to go in for fear of what he might remember when he did. But something was calling him, begging him to enter. So after much reluctance, he pushed open the doors and walked in. The cracks in the wall allowed bits of sunlight to illuminate the usually dark room. Rubble covered the ground that he needed to step over as he went farther into the room.

_Emrys..._

There was that voice that had led him here, but he couldn't see who it belonged to, that was until he saw a woman standing in a patch of sunlight, and from what Merlin could tell she looked like an angel.

"Hello Emrys" the woman greeted. She was young, with blonde hair and fair skin and brilliant blue eyes. She was wearing a white gown and from her silhouette she really did look like an angel.

"Were you the one who called me here?" Merlin replied formally if not a little cold, just because she was beautiful, didn't mean he was going to trust her.

The woman smiled "I was" that was when her smile faded "I have come to tell you."'

"Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"There is a storm approaching, one that you will need all your courage, and all your strength, but most importantly, you will need your king."

"My king is dying."

The woman shook her head "Uther's time is nearly at an end, and the reign of the Once and Future King will soon begin. And in that time there will be a great battle, a battle where one of you must make the ultimate sacrifice. Heed my words Emrys; you must not interfere with the events that are to come."

"What events? Who are you?" he practically growled. He was so tired of people telling him his destiny. Everyone had done it. The dragon, Gaius, and even Freya. Why was it that the weight of the world always had to be carried on his shoulders? How was that fair? He had given up everything for his destiny and had gotten nothing but sadness and grief in return. He was angry, so damn angry.

Sighing the woman finally decided to divulge something about herself, "My name is Aurora, and I am an Ancient"'

"An ancient?"

Aurora nodded "Yes, we are sanctified beings who watch over the strings of fate that have been woven into this world."

"Are you human?"

"We were human, once, but have given up mortal forms. But we are not dead either, rather something else entirely."

"Well then what are you?"

Aurora shook her head again, "I have told you too much already. Ancients are not allowed to interfere with the affairs of humans for fear of tampering with the great design, but I have been given special permission to tell you this Emrys. There is a darkness within your heart. A darkness that if you do not keep watch over, will consume you body and soul."

Merlin looked at her with questioning eyes. A darkness? Was there really such a thing inside of him? Yes there was, he could sense it, but would he really allow it to control him? Could he ever become something like that, like her? He swore that he would never be like her, but he could feel that part of him inside himself. Fearing when it would come to the surface, just like it had when he faced Nimueh and Kilgarrah. During those times, he felt his anger and rage slowly take hold of his entire being, when he feared for his friends' lives. He also felt it most recently when he was facing Morgause and he had to protect Gaius and Gwen and Lancelot. But would there ever be an time where he would lose control, where his anger would take control of him and completely swallow him up, just like it had her. Would he really become like her?

"You have heard my warning. I implore you to consider my words carefully, and do not interfere with what must come to pass." That was when Aurora turned around and began to head back into the light when Merlin called out to her.

"Wait! Who is it that will make the sacrifice, who will I need to prepare myself for, when the darkness tries to take me?" Fear was encompassing his entire being at who it could be. Going over everyone in his mind, all his friends, Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, what would he do if he lost any of them? And even though he almost refused to acknowledge it, what if it was Morgana?

"That I cannot tell you, but I am so sorry for your lose. Truly I am." And he could see it too, the sadness in her eyes. She truly pitted him for what he would have to endure. Because that type of pain, of losing someone you love, it is never ending and stays with you, forever.

And then she disappeared into the sunlight from which she came. Going like the angel that she appeared to be.

* * *

><p>Morgana shook her head. Ancients, what could those possibly be?<p>

Lilith nodded in acknowledgment. She wasn't surprised that Morgana hadn't heard of them, and was actually glad for is. "Ancient are selfish beings that hide away from the world, keeping a great power out of the reach of us humans. While very powerful, Ancients do not use their power as they could and let all that potential go to waste. Our little organization's purpose is to find a way to access that great power and give it to the people, and we believe that you could help us do it."

"Me, what could I do?" Morgana asked exasperated. Suddenly a rock formed in her stomach and she had a feeling that whatever it was was not going to be good.

"Well, it is our belief that a Seer as powerful as you will be able to open a gate, one that will allow us to enter the realm of the Ancients and take what is rightfully ours. Of course you may take your revenge first. I will teach you how to become more powerful than even the great Emrys himself, and when the time comes, you will open the gate for us. Do we have a deal?"

Lilith held out her slender hand as Morgana examined it. The power to take her revenge on Merlin and in exchange open a gate one day that would most likely be when she was old and gray. Maybe she would even be able to have some of that great power as well? After a second, Morgana took the woman's hand.

"We have a deal."

**A/N: Dun dun duhhhhhhhh. ****So Morgana's made a deal with the devil in order to attain power. It's very star wars No? Sept for the whole wife dying bit but the broken heartedness is there. Anyway sorry for the long update. I've been SOOOO busy this mouth. Barley had any time to myself. And then I had this thing called finals. You know that ugly test that you have to take at the end of the year as teachers last ditch effort to torture you until you bleed. So anyway summers out and I have a lot more free time so I'm ganna try and work on this as much as I can. But you know what would help? Reviews! Reviews! It's a proven fact that reviews make people smarter, or maybe that mini-wheat's? hmmmm**


	8. Time and Time Again

**A/N: So a lot of people have said that they didn't like the fact that Morgana was evil. Which I COMPLETELY agree with. And I don't agree with how the writers did that. I mean it was like one second she was good, the next she was evil. Where's the sense in that? But anyway. You'll be pleased to know that Morgana does have a change of heart after our adorable little sorcerer brings her back. This chapter is basically my version of the beginning of season four, but instead of it being one year it was two. But before I rant on about absolutely nothing, how bout you just read… **

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><p>Two years had gone by since Morgana was queen. And both Merlin and Morgana had become nearly completely different people. Morgana studied with Lilith and over time became a sorceress no one could match, well, all except Merlin.<p>

After Uther's death Arthur took the throne, married Gwen, and abolished the band on magic also making Merlin the Court Sorcerer and the Duke of somewhere or another. I think it's like Brent or one of those really old and really small towns near London that the rest of the world doesn't play attention to because it's not London, poo on them, but anyway...

Because of his newly established wealth and position, Merlin became one of the most sought after bachelors in the kingdom. Gwen and Arthur tried to set him up with one of the many women lined up to court him but he never seemed interested in any of them. He did however take notice of Gwen's new maidservant, Elaine. Elaine had showed up a shortly after Morgana's departure and had been welcomed into their little group of friends almost immediately. She was a beautiful, kind-hearted, fiery young woman that Merlin seemed to show special care to, but that quickly turned into more of a brotherly relationship, much to his friends' dismay. Merlin was rather distant with most women, with the exception of Gwen and Elaine. He obviously still hadn't gotten over someone and his friends had begged him to tell them who, but Merlin kept on insisting there was no one.

Merlin and Morgana, while they rarely saw each other, had returned to a relationship of pure and utter loathing, even more so then they had before. When they would meet, it would be a brief encounter on the battlefield where all that was said was powerful spells and incantations. They would cringe at the sound of the others name and get visibly angry if either one were brought up in a conversation. While normally a well tempered fellow, Merlin almost lost control when it came to Morgana. It slightly frightened his friends but after the reassurance of him quickly calming down, they brushed off his attitude as simple agitation with her constant attacks and ploys to reclaim the kingdom. No one had known of their affair, and both were adamant about keeping it that way.

While the two sorcerers did dole out their power on one another every once in a while, they had never actually had a formal battle to test which was stronger. And today they were.

Fed up with this game of cat and mouse, Morgause had sent word to Camelot that the two sorcerers were to have a duel. Whoever lost was to admit defeat and surrender. After Merlin had agreed to the challenge, arrangements were made so that the duel would take place on the outskirts of Albion near the Mercian border.

* * *

><p>Elaine and Merlin were in the stables talking while he saddled his horse.<p>

"Are you sure you're going to be able to beat her, I heard that this Morgana Le Fay is pretty powerful," Elaine mentioned, worry etched into her features. Morgana had changed her name after she disappeared, so the people of Camelot did not know that the evil sorceress was the former Lady Morgana.

Merlin sighed as he continued to strap the horse. "She is quite strong now, she's grown a lot..." there was almost a reminiscent tone in his voice which puzzled Elaine greatly. Even though he often regarded the witch as an enemy, it was times like these where she questioned his true feelings for the woman. Whenever she tried asking about her, everyone would always shut her down. Apparently she was a sore subject with her new friends, but she still wanted to know more about the women that she had seemed to replace in their group.

"But I won't lose, I promise" he gave her a reassuring smile that she could do nothing but smile back at, as they headed out of the stables.

"Well good, because if you do I think Gwen will-"

"Oh Merlin!" a feminine voice cooed just as they got out of the stables, "I wasn't expecting to see you here," the women batted her eyes at Merlin ignoring the fact that she had just interrupted the person that had been talking to him first.

Elaine rolled her eyes. Yeah right. It was the Lady Katherine. After just recently moving from Mercia the Lady Katherine took interest in Merlin almost immediately. In Elaine's opinion, she was most obnoxious of Merlin's wanna be courtiers, she was also the most aggressive. Following around the man like a love sick puppy, Lady Katherine practically stalked him showing up out of nowhere and interrupting conversations that he was having with other people, namely, her.

Elaine showed no ill will against the noblewoman at first, but after seeing how she treated people of lower class, took instant an dislike to her. To Elaine's disappointment Lady Katherine was somewhat pretty. She had auburn hair that was always elegantly put up as well as big brown eyes and a somewhat pleasant (if not completely fake) smile. Katherine always seemed to have the notion that Merlin liked her especially better than the rest of the women that sought after him, which really was not the case. Merlin treated her no differently than any other, but in her little world, she believed she was special. And Merlin was just too good a guy to tell her otherwise.

"Well I just wanted to wish you good luck on your duel, I hope you beat that witch to a bloody pulp," she cheered

Merlin twitched a little and clenched his jaw before curling his lip to form a small smile, "Thank you, my lady. If you would excuse me,"

After giving her a slight bow, he continued to lead the horse over to the courtyard where Arthur and the knights were waiting for him. Elaine followed mumbling,

"I don't know why you even put up with that woman"

"Oh come on Elaine, she's not that bad,"

Elaine raised her eyebrow at her friend and gave him one last knowing looked before they reached the king.

"Good luck" she called as he mounted his horse.

"Thanks, I'll see you later" at with that he took off in a gallop out of the courtyard with Arthur and the knights trailing swiftly behind him.

When the party had reached the designated meeting spot, Morgause, Mordred and Morgana were already there. They approached one another and all Merlin could do was stare at the woman that had broken his heart. She was wearing a dark teal dress covered in black lace that was fitted to her body. It was slightly less elegant then the dresses she wore back in Camelot but still made her look as just beautiful as before. Her hair was not as glossy as before and it cascaded down her shoulders in waves. Though she was older now, her features more defined but still held herself with the same commanding presence, but there was a certain… coldness about her. She displayed none of the emotion that she had even before they had started their affair, and there was a type of distance around her even from Morgause. It puzzled him but when she spoke it brought him out of his revere.

Though it was to give directions, it had been the first time they'd actually talked in two years.

"The knights will stay here as well as my sister and Mordred, the duel will be at a separate location. Once the winner is determined, they will return to their respective parties. The one that returns, will have been the winner." Her voice was callous and harsh, but he hadn't realized how much he had missed it until that moment.

He nodded and dismounted without making any objections, causing Arthur and the knights to become more than a little nervous. Morgana had come closer to him and after a small spell and a gust of wind, they vanished.

Morgana had transported them to a small field with surrounded by trees. They were standing a good thirty feet apart, facing each other, when the duel began.

Being the gentleman that he was, he allowed the lady to go first, which Morgana readily took advantage of. After a few moment of pooling her magic together she conjured up a huge fireball and sent it hurling at Merlin's head. With some quick thinking, Merlin used a shielding spell to deflect the fireball back at Morgana, but she merely turned it into a bird that was diving straight for him. Collecting the water from a nearby stream, Merlin created a large water dragon to combat the bird. After a few seconds of steam, the dragon ate the bird and was now at a straight shot towards Morgana. Gathering the clouds ahead, she called forth a huge bolt of lightning that balled in her hand before she threw it at the dragon. It had also started raining. The dragon was disintegrated and the lighting ball nearly hit Merlin when he jumped out of its path and it collided with the tree behind him, exploding the bark everywhere. Merlin used this as an advantage and took the sharp pieces of bark morphing them into arrows and sending them towards his opponent.

Not expecting this, Morgan put up a protective barrier. But it apparently wasn't strong enough because one of the arrows pierced through it and hit Morgana in her side. She hissed as trickles of blood dripped down her skin, mixing with the now pouring rain.

Seeing this, Merlin winced at her through his damp hair. Realization washed over him. He didn't want to hurt her, he never did. He was just angry. That was the only reason he accepted this challenge in the first place. But now, seeing her in pain. It made him sick, and the fact that he was the cause for her now bloodied side made it even worse.

"Come on Morgana, you can't beat me!" he yelled over the cracks and booms of the storm they had created. He didn't want to continue this battle, not if she could get hurt.

But she only scoffed, "We'll see about that!" she called back and conjured a large tornado that whipped through the field leaving a trail of chaos it its wake, but Merlin simply put his hand up and swallowed the wind.

"Please Morgana I don't want to hurt you!" he was pleading with her now, begging her to stop this madness. If they continued like this there was a good change that one of them could die, and he was not about to risk her life on that chance.

She gave him a tight smile in return "It's a little late for that," _in more ways than one._

"Please let's just stop this," Another loud boom from the thunder rolled over head as they stared at each other.

"We can't stop Merlin! This is our destiny, doomed to fight an endless battle for all of eternity!"

"But...I can't fight you!"

After a moment she replied in a harsh tone "You don't have a choice"

Another ball of energy was sent spiraling at Merlin's head which he dogged without a problem, but refused to send a counter attack.

"Come back to Camelot, I can make a better life for you!"

"I can never go back! I'm a shell Merlin, an empty shell, cursed to be unloved by anyone until the end of time. That is my fate. I can never return to that place." her body was getting weaker and her vision was getting more blurry from the blood loss, but as she struggled to remain conscious, she could see the concerned looks on his face. Was he really worried about her, he couldn't be. How dare he? He was not allowed to show her any type of pity, not after everything that he did to her. No. She would not allow it.

Anger boiled up inside of her as she sent another ball at him, but in her barely conscious state she couldn't aim it correctly and he didn't even have to try to dodge it.

Before she knew what was happening, he was behind her, wrapping his strong arm around her waist to keep her steady, and just before everything went black she could hear his breath whisper into her ear,

"Oh and by the way, I always loved you,"

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><p>After she had passed out, Merlin put one arm under her legs and the other supporting her back with her head leaning against his chest. He glanced at the wound on her side and assessed how bad it was. It didn't look terribly deep but he would have to treat it later.<p>

She did always look so peaceful when she was sleeping, so innocent and fragile, like there was nothing in the world that would harm her. And from now on, he would make sure that there wasn't. Saying a quick spell, he returned to the groups but in the shadows of the woods that surrounded them. After laying Morgana against one of the trees, he popped out of the woods taking everyone by surprise.

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed as he and the knights crowded around him, "So I take it that you have won?"

He only nodded and gave the king a tight smile as Gwaine hit him on the back, "Aw I knew you could do it!"

"Where is my sister?" Morgause hissed, at which everyone's faces changed into firm scowls.

"She's still at the field" He lied, he was not about to let that women have her again. If she wouldn't return to Camelot, then he would just have to take her somewhere else. But she was _not_going with them.

With one last glare, Morgause and Mordred disappeared in a gust of wind, leaving the rest of them to grill Merlin about what had happened in the duel.

Arthur then turned to Merlin with a grave look on his face, "Merlin, is she..." even though he didn't like his half-sister anymore, he still didn't want her to die. But Merlin reassured his worried by shaking his head.

"No, she's alive, just unconscious" which was the truth, she just wasn't in the field anymore.

After a few brief moments of silence, Arthur sighed "Well we'd best get back to Camelot, you know Gwen will be worried sick-"

"Umm" Merlin's beginnings of a objection caught everyone off guard and they all turned to look at him with bemused looks on their faces, "Well, I was wondering if I could go see my mother. Ealdor isn't that far from where we are and I haven't seen her in a while,"

Arthur thought for a moment "Alright, we could come with you-"

"NO!" Arthur jumped back at his friends' abrupt protest but Merlin quickly continued, "I mean you need to get back to Camelot. A-as you said Gwen will be worried sick and you're the king now Arthur, you can't just disappear for another day. That would likely cause a riot." Merlin explained. He really was smarter than Arthur gave him credit for. "Besides, its harvest season and I wanted to help my mother out as much as I can before I have to return to the city."

Merlin waited on baited breath as Arthur thought over his response. After what seemed like forever, the king finally nodded his head, "Alright, be back in one week, I still need my chief advisor you know,"

And with a nod and a pleasant smile, he watched as Arthur and the knights took off towards Camelot. Merlin waited until they were completely out of site before dashing over to where he had put Morgana. He let put a relieved breath when he found her there, still sleeping, just as he had left her. It was about a three hour ride to Ealdor from where they were and he still needed to treat her injury. But first he needed to get them out of there. Morgause would have found that Morgana wasn't in the field by now about would likely be coming back to look for him, so he carefully picked her up again and brought her over to his horse.

They rode for about an hour with Merlin casting spells to get rid of their tracks before he was confident that Morgause couldn't have followed them. He stopped at a lake and decided that there was as good a place as any to bandage her up.

Gently, he laid her on the grass in front of the lake and began taking off her dress. He couldn't properly get to the wound with what she was wearing and he couldn't heal it by magic because he wasn't very good at healing magic. Could break down a wall with the wave of his hand but healing a little paper cut was apparently _impossible_. He knew she would probably get him back for this later but it needed to be done. Plus, it's not like us hadn't undressed her before...

But while he was, something around her neck caught his eye. It was a small silver chained, that, when he examined further, had the ring that he had given her attached to it. She hadn't gotten rid of it? Did that mean that she still cared for him?

"…Merlin…"

Her strangled voice called his attention but when he looked at her face, she was still asleep. She sifted a little and grabbed his hand that had been lying next to hers. It looked like she was having a bad dream, sweating and shaking like she had when she was still in Camelot, when she had those nightmares. He lightly squeezed her hand which made her calm down a bit but she was still distressed. So, he put his other hand on her forehead and chanted a few words, giving her a restless sleep. She immediately calmed down and nestled into the ground for comfort, squeezing his hand back as well.

Smiling to himself, he removed the rest of her clothing. After cleaning the wound and applying a makeshift salve that he got from Gaius to fight infections, he gingerly wrapped some ripped pieces of cloth around her torso, covering her upper body completely. Content with his awkward patchwork job (this was why he wasn't a physician) he took off his shirt and jacket and put it on Morgana to cover her up. Then he lifted her back onto his horse and continued the journey to Ealdor.

It took another two hours to get there with him riding slowly as to not wake her. It had just gotten dark and his mother was preparing supper. And boy was she surprised when her son walk in the door, shirtless, holding Lady Morgana in his arms. Seeing her injured state she directed Merlin to set her down on the bed while she prepared some hot water. Doing as she commanded, Merlin laid Morgana down as carefully as possible while his mother assed her condition.

"You did a pretty good job tending to her, it looks like the blood has stopped and it's not infected." Hunith told her son, "but how did this happen? And I thought, in your last letter you said..."

She trailed off when she noticed Merlin's distressed state. It was clear that he cared for her, and the shame that he displayed in his features was only one that a mother would know. But giving him a sympathetic smile, she laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She's going to be fine," she reassured him. "Now get some sleep, you look exhausted"

After one final glance he pushed some of her silky black hair out of her face pulled up a chair next to her bed to rest in. His mother was about to protest but seeing how determined her son was, allowed it. Merlin watched over her, protectively, for most of the night before sleep finally overcame him.

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><p><strong>AN: So Merlin kidnapped Morgana. Hopefully he'll be able to convince her to see the error of her ways when she wakes up. I'm still working on that chapter but I'll have it up as soon as possible. I also introduced a few new characters. Elaine and Lady Katherine will be important characters for different amounts of time. For Elaine it's like…the entire story, but Katherine really only has one central purpose. Also, I based Katherine's character and looks off of ****Hayley Atwell character in Mansfield Park, which if you haven't seen it you should because ROSE IS IN IT! Atwell plays sort of the bitchy character that tries to get in between the main relationship of the story so I decided to base Katherine off of that if you wanted a better idea of what she looks like. Elaine I still haven't figured out but when I do I'll tell you, promise.**

**Reviews…?**


	9. Come Back To Me

When Morgana awoke the next morning, she noticed three things. The first was that she did not know where she was. The second was that she was in a considerable amount of pain. And the third was that she wasn't wearing any clothing except for a tunic made of rich fabric, ones that were typically worn by nobles. But it had a very familiar scent to it, one that she had missed more the she cared to admit.

Attempting to sit up, she began to recall the events from the previous day. It was her duel with Merlin and it was raining and she had gotten hit by one of the arrows he had sent at her. And as she was losing consciousness she vaguely remembered him saying...

_I always loved you_

Morgana's eyes widened as the words began ringing in her head. Maybe it had been a dream, or she had been hallucinating because of the blood loss, because he couldn't have said what she thought she heard. No. It was impossible.

Slowly she was able to swing her legs over the small cot, wincing at the pain from her side. It didn't hurt an excruciating amount, but it was still difficult to move. That was when she heard someone enter the house she was in. She hesitantly looked over the curtain that separated the bedroom from the kitchen and saw...Hunith? Who had also notice her as well and was coming over with a warm smile on her face.

"Oh good you're up" she said softly as Morgana blinked once still processing what was going on, was she in Ealdor? But what was she doing there? The answer had come to her as soon as the question had.

Even though she hadn't said say anything, Hunith noticed how confused the young woman was, but decided to let her son fill in the blanks. So, she pulled out some trousers and a clean shirt and handed them to her,

"These are some of Merlin's old clothes. He's outside right now," and then she left Morgana to change.

Morgana stared at the clothes for a moment. They were defiantly smaller then how Merlin was now, because the shirt she was wearing hung loose on her, while the other looked like it would fit her perfectly. He had certainty changed a lot since he first came to Camelot, but then again, so had she.

She ran her hands across the rough fabric, commoner clothing. Something that she had never really gotten use to in her time away from palace life, but, looking at them now, that kind of lifestyle seemed somewhat...appealing. Free from destiny and tough decisions, a simple life, a life where she could live for herself and not for anyone else.

_A life she could live with him._

In her head she knew she should be furious with him, kidnapping her after he had been the one to injure her, even if they were fighting to the death. But still, you don't heal your enemy. And you most defiantly do not tell them that you love them.

After gingerly putting on the clothing Hunith had given her, she made her way to the door-frame and leaned on it, looking outside to find Merlin playing with the village children. He truly did look very different. His hair was longer and he had a bit of a stubbly chin. His build was also larger, probably from the training with the knights. And he wore more expensive clothing that fit more to his body, unlike the baggy peasant clothing he used to wear.

Apparently he had decided to give the children lessons on how to be a knight and was now teaching them how to fight with sticks. It was really quite amusing because the kids were winning, and their interaction with him made her smile.

_He's going to be a good father...  
><em>  
>Yeah, she had to stop that type of thinking right now. They were NOT together anymore. Just because he had helped her, didn't mean that they weren't enemies anymore. In fact, him bringing her here gave her the upper hand. She could take Hunith hostage or threaten to burn down the village. But the thought of doing that formed a rock in her stomach. Hunith was a sweet and caring woman; she could never do anything to harm her, even if she hated Merlin. But did she really? Did she really hate him, or was she just heartbroken that he had chosen Arthur over her. It was a question that she had asked herself countless times over the years.<p>

As if sensing her presence, Merlin turned and stopped what he was doing. But when he began walking over to her, the children decided to chant;

"Merlin's got a girlfriend, Merlin's got a girlfriend."

Morgana saw him blush a bit as he yelled back, "Alright, alright! Practice your defense techniques; I'll be back in a minute."

She gave him a slight smile as he approached, "They seem to really like you"

Merlin shrugged, "It's probably just because I'm awesome"

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes, "Oh, okay"

"So how are you feeling?"

"Fine, Merlin, what am I doing here?" she asked a little more harsh then she would have liked

He winced a little at her tone of voice and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, "Well, you said you wouldn't go back to Camelot, so I brought you somewhere else"

"You shouldn't have brought me anywhere at all! W-why would you do this?" she exasperated, slightly annoyed but still somewhat touched.

When he looked down bashfully she gave him an incredulous look, "Do I really need to answer that?"

Morgana sighed "Merlin, you can't just do things like this, we, we can't just go back to the way things were-"

"Why not?"

"B-because we just can't! I-"

"Merlin, come on!" one of the kids yelled and they both glanced over to see Merlin's students waiting expectantly for them.

"Look, I'll stay here until my side fully heals, but then I'm going back" she told him, a look of seriousness displayed in her features.

After a moment he straightened his shoulders and replied rather defiantly,

"No"

"Excuse me?"

"I won't let you go back to them." he said adamantly "I don't care if I have to chain you too this house. I will _not _lose you again."

This left her speechless, gaping at something to say but not finding any response. And seeing the determination in his eyes, after all the time they spent together she knew when he would absolutely not change his mind, and this was one of those time.

"Merlin!" another kid whined, and Merlin turned to look at the kids and then back to Morgana.

"You're still tired, you should rest. We can talk about it more once your better." he said turning to leave, when she grabbed him by the arm.

"You can make me stay here" she growled leering at him. No one could make her do something she didn't want to do. She would never be controlled by any man, especially him. He could however make things very difficult for her.

"Watch me"

Before she could do anything else he pressed his lips to hers, nearly knocking her backward until he steadied her with his hand on the small of her back. This guy really had a way of taking her by surprise with these kisses. She had almost forgotten how soft his lips were.

As they kissed, it ignited something inside of her that she had thought died long ago. The part of her that had been frozen over and beaten down so much that there was almost nothing left. However, now she felt a sense of renewal and healing, and the slow beginnings of the removal of the scares that had been marred onto her heart. And this kiss almost felt like the first time, with warmth spreading throughout her entire body along with a mix of excitement, confusion, longing, and fear. Why was he always doing things like this to her? Making her feel so vulnerable that _she_ became the one who didn't want to leave. And she found that she had missed him so much more then she had first realized, which, had become very acute when he pulled away and she had to bite back the whine coming from their lack of contact.

She kept her eyes closed for a moment, still reeling from what had just happened. But when she opened them, he was staring at her pensively. They rested their foreheads against one another, breathing in each other's scent.

She smelled like rose water and lavender, and the girl playing the kings ward, longing for someone to love her. He smelled like herbs and old wine, and a servant boy trying to combat a destiny that was far too great. They had been so young when they began. So young when they started on their paths, that it had been damn near impossible to go in a different direction. Their destinies had destroyed them, turning their love into hatred, and creating a bottomless hole in their hearts, slowing tearing them apart bit by bit. They were both in darkness, and they both needed saving. And somehow it seemed poetic, that they were both the only ones to be able to bring each other back.

They stood there for some time. It had been so long since they had been this close to one another and they were still reacquainting. All the while they could hear Merlin's students "Ewing" in the background.

Taking a step back to gauge her reaction, he found that she was just staring at him blank faced and frozen like a statue.

When she didn't say anything for a while, he finally broke the silence by saying, "You should sleep, that wound won't heal any faster with you moving around and all"

This seemed to snap her out of her little world but her reply was still somewhat dazed, "Well your mother did a pretty good job tending to me,"

"Ah she didn't... I did"

Her brow furrowed as she gazed at him quizzically, now fully returning back to reality "Wait, then were you the one who had undressed me?"

Merlin shrugged and with a small smirk, "Nothing I haven't seen before"

Morgana's face went beat red as Merlin turned on his heal and went back to the kids that had been waiting very anxiously for him to continue their training.

"Cocky bastard" she muttered under her breath as she went back inside the house to get some more sleep, with a smile that she hadn't don't in quite a while, finally gracing her face.

* * *

><p>The next few days had been dedicated to acclimating Morgana to the way of life for a peasant, which was really more of entertainment for Merlin. The transition from princess to commoner was harder the she had first expected. And Merlin would tease her every time she messed up on something, it was very infuriating. Thankfully she had Hunith there to show her the ropes. Hunith really was a wonderful woman. Even after knowing all she had done, she had still helped Morgana adjust to this new life, which she still had been reluctant to accept.<p>

Hunith began to teach her how to sew, how to harvest, how to cook (something Merlin found especially funny because Morgana had been particularly bad at it). All the skills a woman would need to live her life on her own without any help from others. Of course she did have magic, which came in handy every once in awhile, especially while she was healing. Apparently Morgana was quite skilled as a healer, which was gratefully _some_ advantage over Merlin who liked to constantly brag about how much better he was. Arthur's prattness had seriously rubbed off on him as a new noble.

Today, Hunith had gone to town to buy some fabric for Morgana's new clothes, even thought the young woman had insisted she could just wear Merlin's old clothes, she went anyway. With Merlin's new status as a Duke, he was able to provide the finances for a more comfortable living for his mother. He even offered to move her to Camelot, but Hunith refused, saying that Ealdor was her home, and city life really didn't suite her.

With Hunith gone for the day, Morgana wanted to try out some of her new cooking skills by attempting to make supper for Merlin. Even though Merlin was always jesting about Morgana's cooking, he really did want her to succeed in being able to live as a peasant. So, after he finished his chores he came home to find Morgana cutting vegetables for supper, and if he squinted, it was like he was coming home to his wife after a hard day's work and they were going to eat together like a real family.

When he walked over to her he latched his arms around her slender waist, that had gotten somewhat thinner over the years (if that was possible), and rested his chin in the crook of her neck.

"Hello"

An amused smile broke out on her face as she continued her cutting, "Hello, how was work?"

He smiled into her hair, "Fine, I think it's been a bit easier now that I actually have some muscle mass"

She let out a small laugh that made his smile grow even wider when he prodded softly, "Let help you with something"

At this she stopped cutting and put down the knife to twirl in his arm and lay her hands on his chest, "No, I don't want any help. I want to be able to do this by myself"

"But…"

"No buts, now come on" she gently pushed him backward and shoved him into a chair, "Sit. I'll be done in a minute-"

But while her hands were on his shoulders, he caught a glimpse of what he could have sworn were pink scars going across the inside of her wrists and arms. Quickly grabbing them he turned them over to get a better look and was outraged to find that he was correct. He then looked up at her to see her giving him an apprehensive look before trying to pull her arms away, but the firm grip he had on them foiled her attempts.

"Morgana, what are these?" the words were slow from his shaky voice, but when she looked into his eyes she saw mix of rage, confusion, and above all, fear.

"I-I-"she stammered to find an answer, but she knew she couldn't give one.

The scares varied in length and direction, but as Gaius's assistant, he had seen plenty of them over the years. Scares mostly found on depression patients or ones that had committed suicide, self inflicted marks with only the purpose of causing pain to one's self. And he had also known what the different directions meant. The ones going across the wrist were only meant to cause pain, but the three long scares going down her arms meant that she had attempted to take her own life, and the only thing he found himself feeling was a blind fury boiling up in the pit of his stomach.

He suddenly felt sick as he stared at them. They were jagged and rough and less ridged then the others, meaning that a healing spell had been quickly cast to close them up. Images of her bleeding on a cold stone floor flashed through his mind, and as much as he tried to push them away they kept coming, going around and around in his head.

Images of her dying

"Merlin…"

She tried to find something to say, something that would stop the ocean of guilt she could see him drowning in. But what could she say. That those weren't what he thought they were. That she didn't do them. This wasn't something she could just deny or lie about. He knew exactly what they were; she could see it in his eyes. He knew what they were and he knew that he was the cause for them.

After she had left the castle with Morgause, she had gone into a deep depression where it came to a point when she wouldn't even leave her room for weeks at a time. Morgause was occasionally worried about her but thought that she was just tried from the intense training with Lilith. She never really knew what her sister was going through, and Morgana never had the courage to tell her.

She had suffered in silence, all alone.

"I did this, didn't I?" he finally said after what seemed like forever, not being able to bring himself to look at her.

"I-"

How was she supposed to answer that? Is not like she could say yes, but she couldn't really say no either. In all honesty, he had been a major reason for those scares. Somewhere inside her head she had rationalized that the pain coming from those cuts would lessen the agonizing pain that had been clawing at her heart. And from that thought grew the idea that if the pain would lessen her heartache, then maybe death would stop it completely. She had only tried it once, and she had quickly healed herself when she heard Morgause trying to open her bedroom door, but it was so rushed to stop the bleeding that the scares were still there, imprinted on her arms showing what she had done or, almost done.

He brought her wrists to his forehead and she could feel the tears that were dripping from his face, the sobs shaking his entire body.

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry" he whispered into her flesh before kissing the marks softly, as if trying to erase them.

As she watched him, his sorrow was heart wrenching. She could feel it in his magic that had been reaching out to her, now expressing all the emotion he felt and entwining with hers just so she would understand how truly sorry he was for all that he had done. It was like he was experiencing all the pain she felt over the years in this one moment.

"Shhh it's okay now" she tried softly, finally being able gently to pull her arms away, just so she could tangle her fingers in his hair and lift his chin up to look at her. But when she looked into his eyes she gasped at what she saw.

He was angry, incredibly angry. It was slightly _extremely_ frightening seeing that look from him of all people. She had never seen him that livid before, and the self loathing she could see in his eyes was almost terrifying.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't even deserve to look at you" he turned his head away from her, not feeling worthy enough to be able to see her face.

Merlin was so furious that it took most of his strength just to hold his magic back from releasing upon the world. But he wasn't just angry at himself (although that's where most of it was directed), he was angry at the people that drove him to hurt her. He was angry at Arthur for making her to leave. He was angry Gaius for not letting him tell her about his magic in the first place. He was exceptionally angry at Uther for driving her against her friends, for being her reason for taking over Camelot and for making her believe that she was a monster. But most of all he was angry at that stupid overgrown lizard that had told him she was evil, that made him believe that she wasn't worth saving.

He had been convinced by all these people (and/or creatures) that her heart was cold. That she was the darkness, when in reality, she was his light. At the end of the dark tunnel that he had been in for the past two years, she was there, with her arms out-stretched, ready to welcome him home. She was his everything, and he swore to himself right there and then that she would never feel that pain ever again.

"Well too bad"

Her words broke him out of his revere and he felt her grab his head and turn his face up again, and the next thing he knew her lips were swallowing his. He couldn't believe that after all he had done, she was still willing to kiss him just like she had before. And he knew that he couldn't be more in love with her then he was right now.

After she pulled back she wiped away the tears that were falling down his cheekbones with her thumbs, and smiled warmly at him as she cupped his face.

"We have both done a lot to each other, things that most people could never forgive."

He looked up at her disheartening when she continued.

"But thankfully, we're not most people" he brightened when she said this.

"The way I figure it, the past is the past, we can't change it, all we can do is look to the future."

"I am not letting you return to them" he stated, his gaze hard, and she knew he was telling the truth.

"I know, but I'm not going back to Camelot, I can't"

"I know"

He had known she wasn't, no matter how much he wanted her too. He would have to return to the city soon and he wanted to take her with him. He wanted them to live together in his new chambers and raise a family together. He wanted her to marry him. But she would not let him take her back there, or at least not yet. So he would just have to wait, wait until the absence of each others presence became too unbearable that one would have to give in. Either he would move back to Ealdor or she would have to get over her stubbornness and return to Camelot, but either way, they would be together...someday.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I've been thinking and my notes are actually more like rants. I seem to do a lot of those, but what can you do, I talk a lot. :p But anyway, so in the next chapter Merlin goes back to Camelot, but his someday maybe closer then he thinks. You guys are just going to have to wait and see. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, you guys were incredible and I love you lots. **


	10. Redemption

It was the night before Merlin had to return to Camelot and he and Morgana were lying in a field, side by side, looking up at the stars. The full moon shimmered brightly down on them as they watched the world pass by. It was quiet, and the only thing to be heard was the crickets chirping in the grass and the soft lulls of their breathing. It was a serene feeling, being out there with no disturbances of everyday life, where they could just get away from it all (the pros of living on the country side).

"Are you still angry with me?" Merlin asked abruptly, breaking their peaceful silence.

Morgana sighed before answering. In all frankness, she was, _very _angry at him for a lot of things. For all the lies about magic, for the betrayal of her trust, for keeping in Ealdor against her will (even though she might have stayed anyway). And it's not like she didn't love him, even though she did spend the last two years in denial about it, but she was just so angry at him for everything he had done.

And if she was honest with herself, she was tired of it. Anger had controlled her life ever since she could remember. It drove her to her immense hatred of Uther. It drove her to all the attacks against Camelot. It drove her against her friends, and against Merlin.

But truthfully, it was kind of hard to be angry at him, even after everything. In the first few days of her recovery, she had tried so hard to be cold and unemotional towards him. And that was a challenge in itself with all the times he would laugh at her. But between the constantly being forced to spend with him, and his persistent immature nagging, she eventually gave in. And the only reason for that was because she loved him.

During their two years at war, she was so angry with him to the point where she believed she hated him with more than anyone else, even Uther. But she could never _really _hate him, and she often questioned if she ever did to begin with. He had been engraved onto her heart, and there would always be a place for him there.

But it's not like she could just forgive and forget. This wasn't just another trivial spat; he lied to her, AGAIN! And then he thought she was evil, treated her like she was evil, like she was another villain that needed to be put in prison. Granted he did have good reason to think like that, but still, he shouldn't have taken him _this_ long to talk to her. She wanted him to come after her, to explain himself. She wanted him to save her.

But she was also tired of being angry with him. She had spent the last two years doing so. She wanted answers, and it was high time he gave her some.

"Yes I am, but in all fairness, I have every right to be."

Her reply was disappointing, but not unexpected. She was right. She should he angry with him. She should hate him. And the only reason she was still here was because he was making her. But tomorrow he would be gone, and she would be free to leave. And then the next time they saw each other would be on the battlefield once more.

"I know" he said quietly, still looking up at the stars.

"Why Merlin?" the hurt in her voice was clear as she spoke, making him wince at the sound, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Merlin had thought over and over for an answer to that question, but every single one that he came up with sounded wrong. Nevertheless, anything less than the truth would just be another lie. "There were a lot of reasons."

His reply was frustratingly cryptic, but she figured she would let him elaborate more before she started yelling at him for being so obnoxiously stupid.

"But I suppose the first reason was that I was...trying to protect you"

Her brow furrowed and she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him properly, "Protect me?"

He shifted slightly and turned his body so he could face her. "You were the king's ward, and if you had known about my magic it would have put you in even more danger, especially sense you had your own."

"But you could have helped me Merlin. I was alone. And instead of being there for me, you left me in the dark. Of course I would have been persuaded to join someone like Morgause, even more so because she was my sister." she urged looking into his eyes to see the regret that showed in them.

"I know, and I realize what drove you to her. But I truly thought I was doing what was best for you. And with everything that I was told about you, and about your destiny, I thought that-"

"That I was evil" her voice was cold and accusatory and she stared down at him.

He paused for a second before continuing, " Yes, but Gaius and I, we were honestly just trying to protect you, but the dragon-"

"Wait, Gaius? Gaius knew about me too?"

He winced again at her reaction and nodded apprehensively. He had forgotten that she didn't know the physician knew about her…condition even before he did. And the revelation that a person that she trusted her entire life knew better than anyone about her magic and refused to help her must have been painful. "Yes, and I wanted to tell you I swear, but then Kilgarrah said-"

"The dragon? You mean the one that had been rumored to live under the castle?" Morgana questioned, trying to piece everything together. This was a lot to handle.

Merlin nodded again, "He said that it was your destiny to unite with Mordred in great evil, and he was the one who told me, told me that I had to...kill you"

Morgana's eyes widened at what Merlin was saying. So in recap, the man she loved had actually _listened_ to a big green lizard that had told him to poison her _and _that it was her destiny to be evil, although she had done nothing yet to provoke such a future. Did this thing have like a vendetta against her or something?

"Well why did you listen to him?" her voice cracked but she still tried to stay calm, but with the heightened emotions from the new information she was being given it was slightly difficult.

He propped himself on his elbows as well and she sat up to adjust to his new position. "B-because he had helped me before, a-and I thought that I couldn't trust you, and...I'm so sorry Morgana" he pleaded, trying to reach up and touch her but when she pulled away with an almost discussed look on her face, he hung his head in shame, not being able to look at her again.

For a moment, Morgana thought Arthur was right about Merlin being an idiot. Really, how could he be so completely thick that he would trust this _thing _just because it had helped him a couple of times (even though it was a bit hypocritical). Still, she attempted to speak in the most monotone voice possible. "You could have stopped me from becoming that. You could have killed Uther and stopped the persecution of _our _kind. You could have told me about your magic so didn't have to feel like I was going insane. You could have saved me Merlin, but you didn't"

After a moment he finally spoke, desperately searching for words to say "You have no idea how much I regret everything that I've done, but I do love you, with every fiber of my being. And I don't want to see you get hurt again, especially...if it was because of me. I've caused you enough pain"

She could see the sincerity in his words and in his eyes. He meant everything that he was saying, and she knew that he loved her; he made that abundantly clear several times over the past few days. But still, there was just so much...

"I don't expect you to forgive me," he said breaking her out of her revere, "But I can't let you go to her. And I can't let you go against Camelot"

"Against you, you mean"

He sighed and looked into her eyes when he answered flatly "Yes. I don't want to fight you anymore. I don't think I can, even if I tried. You're the only woman I have ever loved, and I...I can't lose you again." When she looked at him pensively, a spark of hope showed in his eyes, and he began to think maybe she was considering forgiving him.

"I'm not sure if I will ever be able to forgive you."

Merlin thought his heart was breaking all over again. If she couldn't ever forgive him, then she would probably never love him again, and he turned away, crestfallen before she continued. "But your right, I'm tired of fighting. Morgause is my sister, and I love her as such, but I can do this anymore. If we keep at this battle, it will never end. So...I will stay here"

His face visibly brightened a little as she said this.

"Your mother said I was welcome to stay here and I think she could use the help around the house. But I will not go back to Camelot, I can't..."

While still somewhat disappointed, he was happy she was staying, because that meant he would be able to see her. And even if they did have to be apart for a while, he still knew where to find her, giving him more chances to convince her to forgive him. Maybe it would only take two or three lifetimes instead of the previous six. Plus, it also gave him more of a reason to come home habitually. He did like the city well enough, and his knew station was quite desirable, but he sometimes missed the tranquility that came with country life. And his mother was here, and he really did miss her terribly.

"I understand, but that just means I'll be coming back more often"

"Really?" she gave him a suspicious look and raised an eyebrow, "and how often are we talking about"

"Like…every week" he said sheepishly, giving her a cheek grin which she shook her head at.

"I think Arthur will be a little suspicious if you come back to Ealdor every week. He may be oblivious but I don't think he's _that_ dim."

They then gave each other knowing looks and Merlin's lips curled into a playful smirk, _Well...  
><em>  
>"Fine, but I'll be back at the end of the season, and you had better be here" he was joking of course which he emphasized by pointing his index finger at her, but he did mean it on some level.<p>

"Oh, and what if I'm not?" she tried to reply harshly but it just came out as more of her attempting stifling a laugh (which she really was).

Merlin narrowed his eyes, and gave her a dark look, "then I'm just going to have to drag your arse back here. Like this!"

And the next this she knew his fingers were viscously tickling her sides and she let out a surprised shriek.

"Merlin, stop it!" she shouted making a half-hearted attempt to push him away.

"Not until you promise that you won't leave"

She gave out an exasperated grunt in between the fits of laughter before finally conceding, and mentally cursing herself for forgetting how childish he was "Alright, alright I promise now stop!"

After a contended sigh he reluctantly released her, which gave Morgana the opportunity punch in the arm and they laughed as he grabbed her waist and lifted her on top of him.

"I will always love you" he said gazing into her eyes and tucking some of her hair behind her ear "for a forever"

And she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, knowing that it was true.

"Well good, because if you loved me any less I'd be a little cross"

"Aww but I like it when your cross"

"Shut up!"

* * *

><p>Merlin reluctantly left Ealdor early the next morning and reached Camelot sometime around sunset. He was then greeted by the welcoming party of Arthur, Gwen, and Elaine, the two latter letting out relieved sighs when they finally saw him in the flesh. While Arthur had informed them that he had won the duel (more or less), it was still reassuring to see that their friend was alive and well, instead of just hearing about it.<p>

After a very vague report on his activities in Ealdor, he had told the king that his presence was still needed back in his home town later on during the season and in the near future. While Arthur didn't particularly like the idea of his friend spending so much time away from Camelot, he respected Merlin's wishes and he did not want to keep the sorcerer away from his mother. So, he approved Merlin's requests for more frequent visits back to Ealdor.

Merlin had spent the next couple months in anxious anticipation. He wanted to see her again, he needed to see her again. And the aching pain that he felt to be in her presence was so bad it almost hurt. He had been forced apart from her for two years, and any longer felt like slow torture. It's been proven that time goes slower when you want it to move faster, and those few months felt like decades as he waited for the time to come when he could return to her.

As the first stirrings of autumn blew through the cool mourning breeze, Merlin mounted his horse once again, this time bringing a few dresses he had bought and some other supplies to help around the house with an extra person living there now. Having money really was a perk. As a servant, he scarcely made enough to feed himself let alone anyone else, but with his new income as a Duke, he had the funds to take care of his mother and Morgana and still have some to spare.

But the new enthusiasm to go back to Ealdor did not go unnoticed by his friends, and Arthur, Gwen, and Elaine stood a few feet away watching him frantically pack everything he needed for the trip.

"So _Mer_lin" Arthur began, as the sorcerer kept going examining his horse, checking and rechecking the various packs he was bringing "What exactly did you say was your reason for going back to Ealdor?" the king inquired as the two women listened attentively.

Merlin sighed but didn't look up from what he was doing "I told you Arthur, this season had been a difficult harvest and my mother needs my help to compensate for the lack of resources."

"Right, and there aren't other people to help her with those sort of things?"

"It's a small farming village and there is barely enough men during a normal harvest. But because the crops have had trouble growing from the bizarre weather, it makes this time of the year more strenuous." he said now getting slightly annoyed at his friends' inquiry.

"So it isn't about a girl?" Gwen interjected glancing at the dresses that Merlin had packed.

Merlin let out an exasperated breath and finally turned to face his friends, "No. It is not about a girl"

If he was his younger self, less experienced and what not, he would have blushed and his ears would have turned pink. But thankfully with age comes experience and he was getting better at the whole lying to his friends bit, especially when it came to the topic of his wayward lover. Morgana had really been rubbing off on him.

"But those dresses seem a bit…young for a mother, don't you think?" Elaine chimed in coyly, giving his brother-like-figure a knowing look.

Merlin's slight twitch of the mouth was confirmation enough, even though their two other friends hadn't noticed it. Because Elaine spent more time with Merlin then the king and queen, she picked up on little things that he would do. That and she was quite observant. So she smirked at him, waiting the lame excuse that she knew would follow his obvious lie.

"I-I didn't know what kind of dresses to buy" and with an awkward caught he said as calmly as possible, "now if you'll please excuse me, I'd like to get there before the end of this year"

And before any of them could question him further, he kicked off into a steady gallop out of the city and on to the dirt path that led to his home town, with her awaiting smile being the only thing on his mind.

Merlin reached Ealdor shortly after sunset but was disappointed when he didn't see Morgana waiting for him. He had sent word that he would be returning home at this time, and because it was so close to the end of spring he would have expected the two women to try and get as much work done as possible. A strange feeling came over him as he neared the house, and when he entered, there were only a few candles lit to combat the growing darkness. Upon observation, he also noticed the sound of strained breathing coming from behind the bedroom curtain.

An icy cold fear took hold of him as he pulled back the curtain and saw Morgana lying in bed, shivering and much paler than normal. She looked even worse than when she had fallen and received that head injury, and the same feeling of dread crept over him just as it had then. That was when his mother entered the room with a wet towel in her hand and when she saw her son, threw her arms around him.

"Mum, what happened?" he questioned quickly, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

Hunith pulled back with tears welling up in her eyes as she answered, "I really don't understand what happened. Yesterday she was fine, going about work as normal. But then this mourning she collapsed and I haven't been able to do anything to bring down her symptoms. I've never seen anything this bad before Merlin, and I think…I think she might be dying."

The words echoed in his ears as his mother said them. She was dying. But she couldn't be, no! He had only just been able to see her again. She couldn't leave him now, not after they finally made up (well sort of).

"N-no, she can't be. How-"

"I don't know" Hunith shook her head "she did seen a bit tired so I don't t her to take it easy, and…well you know how stubborn she is. And when we got up she was going to prepare breakfast while I went to go fetch some water, but when I got back, she had fainted on the kitchen floor"

They both then turned to look at her again and Merlin let go of his mother to knelt down by Morgana and take her hand. He almost gasped at the touch because she was ice cold, but it seemed like she was sweating profusely. These were the points in time that Merlin hated the most, the points where he felt absolutely helpless to what was going on around him. He knew he couldn't heal her, and if he tired it might have only made things worse. There really was only one option, and he knew that she wasn't going to like it. But if it was to save her life, he had to.

So, the next day when he had finished readying everything for the travel, he hoisted her onto his horse and they made their way back to Camelot.

* * *

><p><strong>AR (I have now upgraded to a rant): I get how short this chapter is but I promise I will make it up in the next update, which will hopefully be much sooner than this last one. A lot of my time had been taken up lately but I will try to get something by the weekend. I have a rough outline of the next chapter so it shouldn't take me too long to go through it. But anyway… **

**Merlin's bringing Morgana back to Camelot and she is just going to **_**love**_** that. Plus there's also the problem of sneaking her into the city not to mention Gwen and Arthur and other people that I'm not going to tell you because you will find out soon enough. Life is officially going to get more complicated for this lot. Oh and btw, if any of you are reading my other story 'Not Another Teen Story' really sorry about the massive delay on that but there will be something out hopefully before I die of old age, or stress, whichever comes first. **


	11. Coming Home

_**A/N: Sorry that this is so late, you know…life.**_

* * *

><p>Merlin raced through the forest like the devil himself was chasing after him. Morgana's breathing was shallow and she was still shaking violently so Merlin held her closer, tighter. She had worsened a great deal since the day before, and there was no sign of her fever breaking. She needed help, and he knew that she wouldn't be happy when she found out where he was getting it from. But, he figured that he would endure her wrath, as long as she was alive to dish it out to him.<p>

They arrived at Camelot a little before nightfall and, using an invisibility spell, got through the castle without a problem. Upon reaching his old chambers, Merlin burst through the doors, startling the Gaius half to death.

"Merlin! What are you doing here?" Gaius yelled exasperated. He looked at his old ward with amused curiosity, seeing Merlin in such a disheveled state. Then his eyes immediately drifted to the young women in his arms and his expression went from surprised and confused to grave and…still very confused.

"Merlin, what is she doing here?"

"Gaius please, she really need help" he pleaded, looking like the scared boy that showed up at his doorstep all those years ago. It was a look that was very hard to refuse.

The old man gave Merlin a disapproving glare before he finally relented and moved forward to take a look at Morgana. By the state of her, it appeared that his nephew did have cause for alarm. She looked almost ghostly. Her skin was paler then normal and she was shaking and sweating quite profusely, but…she was still an enemy of Camelot. Was it right for him to treat her, even after everything she had done? But a look at the young man holding her and he knew he wouldn't have a choice either way.

Gaius sighed, "Put her in your old room, I think I know what to do"

But as Merlin moved to his old bedroom, the door opened again.

"Hey Gaius, could you-"

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his best friend holding his half-sister in his arms.

"Merlin. What the hell do you think your-"

"Arthur" he interrupted calmly but forcefully, a tone that the king knew meant this was not the time for discussion. After giving Arthur a firm look, he disappeared through the bedroom door while the physician began gathering ingredients.

Merlin gently laid Morgana down on the bed and tucked her carefully in the covers. Moving a little piece of hair off of her sweat drenched faced, he left the room to see Gaius mixing a potion and Arthur looking at him in a mix of fury and perplexity.

"Mind explaining"

"She's sick Arthur"

"She can't stay here"

"She has to nowhere else to go!" that was a lie, but this could be was his only chance for them to be together. And it would give him more chances to convince her to forgive him. Mind you, this was really all just wishful thinking on his part, but a guy can dream right?

"What about her 'sister'?" Arthur spat "How do you know that those two aren't planning something?"

Merlin looked away for a moment to try and think of a good answer, so he decided that the truth would probably be best in this situation, even if it wasn't what he was use to "Morgause...isn't a good influence on her. But I think if she were allowed to stay, then...then maybe we could convince her to come back to the good side. She could even help us" he said sheepishly, staring down at his feet.

He really did look like a child right then, twiddling his thumbs and everything. It was a little irritating. Arthur rolled his eyes, why did his friend always have to be the one to see the good in people, especially in his wayward sister? Morgana's always did have a talent for manipulating people, but he never figured Merlin to be someone that would be easily seduced by her charm. Particularly because of the way he had been regarding her theses past two years. It had always seemed that Merlin took Morgana's betrayal the hardest, so for him to suddenly ask for her permission to stay, it seemed rather...suspicious.

"Merlin she is an enemy of Camelot. Her betrayal practically killed my father and she had been fighting against us for two, no three years now!"

"She's your sister Arthur. And-and she's changed" he insisted, and Arthur scoffed at his naivety. Did he really not see her for who she truly was? Merlin was always an idiot but this was a bit much.

"Merlin, Morgana will never change. Whatever is happening to her now is her own fault, she did this to herself and she deserves every bit of it"

Something seemed to snap inside him when Arthur had said that.

_He didn't know._

He didn't know what she had been through, what _he_ had put her through. Everything that had happened to her, it _wasn't_ her fault and she _didn't_ deserve it, any of it. And all Merlin could think about in that moment was how unfair it was. That even after everything the world had put her through, destiny had put her through, he had put her through…she was still made out to be the villain of the story. No one else had taken the blame for what happened to her, they had all just said that it was her choice. _It's what he had said._ But he had driven her to that point. The point where she felt that the only person she could trust, the only person that she believed could love her, was a manipulative bitch who would only used her for her own means. No one had tried to understand why she did the things that she did. They all just cast their eyes down upon her and looked at her with contempt without even knowing the full picture. They had been made her out to be this, this…_monster_. And that thought brew such a rage within him that he had not felt in a long time.

Merlin's knuckles went white and he clenched his fists so tight that it almost drew blood. And as he looked up at the king through his shaggy charcoal hair, his eyes were dark and his voice was low and menacing. It sent shivers down his spine, and it was something Arthur had never seen before.

"Do NOT talk about her like that" Merlin growled, looking Arthur dead in the eye "you have _no idea_what she has been through and I swear, speak one more word about her and you will regret it." Merlin then turned to head back into the room Morgana was in but stopped so he could throw over his shoulder "Oh and if you do force her to leave, then I will be going with her"

Arthur just gapped at him (looking very similar to a fish) in complete and utter shock. What the hell was going on? Did she cast a spell on him or something because he was talking like an insane person. Just then Gwen and Elaine burst through the doors as well.

"Arthur what's happened- Merlin? I didn't know you were back" Gwen exclaimed, before she noticed the _incredible_ amount of tension in the room.

Gaius exited Merlin's old bedroom, so distracted by the new arrivals that he had forgotten to close the door, giving the Queen and her maidservant clear view of the patient he was treating. For a moment, Gwen's eyes believed they were playing tricks on her, but blinking once, she somberly realized that they were not.

"Your Highness-"

"Gaius, don't tell me that's..."

She trailed off as she pushed past the physician into the tiny room to see her ex-best friend laying that old cot, looking just as she did after one of her nightmares. Everyone else followed suite, crowding into that little room with Merlin at the front.

"Merlin-"

"She was sick Gwen, she could have died, and I know that even after everything you still would never have wanted that" he replied calmly, now looking at Morgana with a tenderness that had been lost on him only moments previous. Her cheeks were less pale then before and her fever seemed to have broken but she still looked very weak.

"Apparently she had been healing herself" Gaius informed them "but the infection she had fallen prey to was unable to be cured without medicinal help. Now that she has had the proper stimulus, her recovery should be rather fast. Her healing abilities are quite exceptional so she should wake up soon"

Merlin visibly relaxed when he said this, which did not go unnoticed by Elaine. Looking back at the woman lying in the small cot, she couldn't help but notice the connection that she could feel between her and Merlin. There was defiantly something going on between them and she wondered how everyone else could be so oblivious to it.

Gwen spared one last look at the Morgana before leaving the room, everyone else following behind. Merlin then closed the door and leaned against it, her personal body guard.

It was quiet for a long time before anyone said anything and the tension in the room you could cut with a knife. Everyone was almost afraid to speak, so Elaine decided to be the radical one and decided to ask in a rather casual tone;

"Sooooo...who was that?"

Merlin sighed before answering, his body aching with fatigue. He hadn't really realized how tired he was until now, but he suspected that riding the entire day and eating next to nothing would take its toll on anyone. Which is why his voice was rather hoarse when he said "her name is...Morgana"

"Morgana?"Elaine was now very confused and looked around to see the others reaction, but the king and queen were both finding the floor a very attractive thing to look at and Gaius was doing his best to ignore the conversation that they all had been dreading ever since Merlin had brought Morgana through the city gates. Elaine was frustrated at first, having no one to explain about this mystery woman who had everyone in a twist, but then something in her mind clicked and she then asked hesitantly "As in the Lady Morgana or, or…as in that sorceress, Morgana Le Fay?"

"They're…the same person"

Elaine's eyes widened at the discovery. So _that_was Morgana. She didn't get a really good look at her, but there was something about her. At first she though it was just her imagination or the woman's magic fogging up her senses. But if she really was Morgana then...

"So your saying that the former first lady of Camelot became one of the most powerful sorceress...ever" Elaine queried, and they all nodded in response "and she's lying in Gaius's bedroom"

Elaine sighed "Well, you lot are certainly never boring"

"Merlin, what if she betrays us again. What if this is just another one of her tricks" Gwen spoke up earning her the group's attention. The room suddenly getting serious again "What if this was all just an act to get back into Camelot?"

"She's changed Gwen"

The Queen eyed him suspiciously, shaking her head "Merlin she's-"

"Merlin...?"

A soft voice from the other side of the bedroom door made the young queen stop short. At the sound, Merlin turned around and went back into the small room, closing the door behind him.

After he had left, the room stayed quiet for another moment before Gwen spoke again "I don't what he's thinking, bringing her here. He knows better than anyone what she's capable of."

"She was hurt, I doubt that you would have turned her away either, your highness" Elaine said emphasizing her title and Gwen scowled at her, knowing that she hated it when her friends used her title. She found it was rather annoying. It had only been little over a year since Gwen was crowned Queen and she was still not use to the change in status. Having always been a commoner, it was strange to have people wait on her, and it was even stranger to have her friends treat her like some untouchable noblewoman. Elaine was different though, she treated her like she would any other person in the castle. She was a lot like Merlin in that way, which is why she believed they would make such a good match. But those hopes were quickly dashed when Elaine started showing interest in a certain drunkard knight.

Gwen sighed before speaking again "She's dangerous. Her magic…"

Elaine narrowed her eyes at the Queen, knowing about her still apprehensive manner towards magic. Gwen had always been uncomfortable around the subject and even asked Merlin not to use magic too often while she was around. It was something that troubled Elaine a great deal.

"Merlin has magic" Elaine cut in, ignoring Gwen's surprised look at her rather terse outburst

Gwen let out a breath before continuing "Merlin is different. He has only ever tried to protect us, everyone for that matter. They are nothing alike"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that" Elaine and Gwen were both surprised to see that it was Arthur who had said that.

The queen turned to her husband, perplexed by his statement "What do you mean?" she asked, but Elaine on the other hand had an idea about what the king was talking about.

"Before you both showed up, Merlin-he, we were arguing about her and I said something. And then he sort of…changed. And the look in his eyes, it was wild and…angry. A lot like hers. And then he said that if I forced her to leave, that he would go with her"

At this Gaius finally stopped his busy work and turned to face Arthur, his mouth parted in disbelief "Sire, are you sure?"

Arthur nodded grimly "yes, and I have the feeling that he meant every word"

**Meanwhile…**

Merlin quietly shut the door behind him as he entered the familiar room he had spend so much time since he first came to Camelot. Morgana was awake, staring at him through half-lidded eyes. As he approached she slowly sat up against the headboard while he perched himself next to her on the side of the bed.

He gave her a warm smile, relief etched into the fine lines of his face "How are you feeling?" he asked softly, entwining their fingers together. His warm hands felt good against her cold ones and she smiled weakly at him.

"Better" she replied, her voice scratchy from lack of use.

"Good, you had me worried there for a bit" he replied meekly, his voice betraying how worried he actually was, but she understood how much he cared for her. Morgana then assessed his condition. His was body worn with exhaustion and there were dark bags under his eyes from the severe anxiety she was sure he had been under for the past few days. And, maybe it was because he was too tired to keep his guard up, or maybe it was just because she knew him so damn well, but she could see it on his face, could feel it in his magic. _He was scared for her._ No, he wasn't just scared, he was terrified. Losing someone he loved was Merlin's worst nightmare. And after already losing so many others, she couldn't help but wonder what would become of him if he lost anyone else, especially her.

Morgana reached up and cupped his cheek with her other hand, "you really need to learn to have more faith in me. I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, forcing as much sincerity as possible into that statement, and praying that it wouldn't make her a liar.

He then leant his forehead against hers, taking comfort in her presence. Closing the final gap between them, their lips met for a soft and gentle kiss "I love you" he whispered against her mouth. And she smiled as she whispered back "I love you too"

They stayed like that for another moment before she finally pulled back to take in her surroundings. The room was small but bare and had this strange familiarity about it. Morgana could have sworn that she had been in this room before, and there was also the fact that Merlin's scent was everywhere.

Crinkling her brow, she asked "Merlin, where are we?" a bit amused, but after turning back to him and seeing the hesitant look on his face, she frowned and quickly got out of bed, heading straight for the door with the faint voices coming out of it.

Upon opening the door, the room had become silent. Everyone stood frigid, as Morgana walked out to see all the people she once knew. It had been so long since she'd seen them, and a lot of things had changed. Arthur had an older appearance about him, wiser with knowledge he had gained over the years she had been away. And Gwen, she almost didn't recognize her. She friend was wearing a gold dress, elegantly made out of the finest materials in the kingdom. It was a gown fit for a queen, a true queen. They were the perfect royal couple. Her eyes then met Gaius's, who, unlike the others, hadn't changed a bit. He still looked like the same old man that had been like an uncle to her all throughout her young life. Then her eyes met someone knew. They were a pale green, just like her own, but there was something about then about her that just seemed…different. And then she heard Merlin walk out behind her.

"Huh" she mused "we are in Camelot"

Her domineer was surprisingly calm which threw Merlin a bit. He was expecting more of the angry, hostile Morgana that could instill fear into the hearts of even the fiercest of men. Or she would throw things at him. That was always a favorite of their family. It must be a genetic trait or something because really, who goes and throws random objects at people just because they say something a _little bit_ cheeky.

"Merlin, do you remember when I told you to never take me back here?" she seethed through gritted teeth as she turned to face him.

There she is.

"I-I know and I'm sorry but you were getting worse and I didn't know what to do…" she wondered if he was using magic when he did that, make it impossible for you to be angry with him when he was stuttering and looking at you with those big puppy-dog eyes that just made you want to pat his and tell him that everything was alright. She often wondered wither it was lawful for someone to be that cute.

And while this was going on, Arthur, Gwen, and Gaius were looking at the two sorcerers like they had six heads. They could not for the life of them understand what was happening between them. That after all the fighting and the arguing and the plotting, that they could act so comfortable around each other, wait no, not just comfortable, they were like…friendly, or worse, even chummy. It truly was a frightening sight to behold.

"Merlin we talked about this-"

"I know but I just thought-"

"Enough!" Arthur bellowed "Merlin follow me to my chambers, theirs is a lot we need to discuss. In the meantime, Morgana, guards will accompany you to your old chambers and you will not leave until I send for you, is that clear?"

Morgana sighed and gave her brother a pensive look before finally saying, "Fine, but only because I'm not strong enough to leave yet." Her expression was cold, colder then what Merlin had seen in a while, but he supposed she was acting; she was always good at that. So use to playing the part, he often wondered what was really beneath it all. Under those layers and personalities, who was the real Morgana? And would she be a person that he could love, or who could love him in return.

Merlin did as he was told and followed Arthur to his chambers alongside Gwen and Elaine who refused to be left out of the conversation. The door was only just closed when the king swiveled around to glare and poke a finger at his friend.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Merlin asked innocently

"What do you mean 'what was what?' you and Morgana. You have spent the last two years flinching at the very mention of her name and then you bring her here and you two are the best of mates. And not only that but you're _apologizing_, what the hell is that about?"

But before Merlin could open his mouth to say something, Thomas, Arthur and Gwen's first born, began crying from the nursery in the next room. Gwen glared at Arthur, knowing that the kings loud yelling was the reason their son had woken up, and went to fetch him from the nurses. Gwen came back moments later with Tommy on her hip.

"Merlin, what I think Arthur is _trying_ to say is that, well, it seems rather odd that after so many years of fighting against her, you're suddenly so…defensive of her" Gwen stated, "And that you're so dead set on her staying in Camelot, even though she herself doesn't seem to keen on the idea" She looked at him with beseeching eyes, eyes that could see into you very soul. And if anyone could send him on a massive guilt trip, it was Gwen.

Merlin sighed before answering, this was harder then he first thought. I mean it's not like he could just come out and say 'well I'm sort of in love with her and I want her to stay here so I can try to get her to forgive me for all the shitty things I did to her in the past, most of which you won't believe that I actually did because I spent so much time portraying myself as the good guy when in actuality I've been manipulating you all to fit my destiny' It seemed a bit early for that conversation.

So he ended up just saying, "Look, I know that what I'm asking is strange. But I really do believe that if she was given a second chance to live here, without the fear of execution hanging over her head, then maybe she could, I don't know, be…better"

"Do you honestly believe that she could be different?" Elaine asked, not accusatory, just as a normal question "That this isn't just a trick her and her sister had concocted to get us to lower our guard?"

Nodding, he replied "Yeah, I think that Morgause was a…a bad influence on her. And I think that being away from her might give her some clarity. A chance for her to think for herself and realize that there is another way"

Elaine gave Merlin a long appraising look, as if trying to determine if what he said was really true. Then finally, "well, I think it's worth a go"

"What!" Arwen yelled, then Gwen continued "Elaine you can't be serious, what about the people?"

"You cannot expect them to just openly allow her to return, not with all the havoc that she wrought when she crowned herself queen" Arthur stated, supporting his wife.

"You two have known her the longest, you grew up together. So can you both really tell me that she is completely incapable of any sort of redemption?" Elaine asked, almost entreatingly "And anyway, from what I heard (because you lot never talk about it) when Morgana was queen, Morgause had been more of the one running the show. Actually, many people wondered wither it was really the Lady Morgana who overthrew Uther because no-one ever saw her." She stated, before she noticed Gwen's facial expression "Gwen?"

Everyone turned to see the queen with a thoughtful look on her face before she spoke, "I was just thinking. Now that you mention it, Morgana rarely left her chambers the entire time she was queen. She only ever left to see Morgause or Uther and then came straight back to her rooms. She barely ate or slept. And she kept looking out her window down at the courtyard, like she was waiting for something"

The wave of guilt that had been swallowing Merlin suddenly became all consuming when she said this. _She was waiting for him._ Because he promised that he would return to her, so she waited for him. And when he finally did return…This was just one more thing that he would have to get her to forgive him for. And he would, one day. But it would help if she was in walking distance.

It was a while before anyone spoke again, but when someone did, it was Arthur to break the silence "Elaine, go get Morgana. I've come to a decision"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Definition of Reviews:<strong>__** the source of life for all living things, or the cure for writers block, whichever you prefer **_


	12. Family Matters

"How could you let this happen?!"

Morgause flinched as a ball of fire exploded not two feet from her head.

"A month, a month and you have not been able to recover her. She was supposed to be the key to everything, and you just let her slip away!"

Another fireball went hurling towards her head, with one singeing a few strands of hair.

"I…underestimated that boy, it won't happen again" Morgause tried, but this just seemed to make Lilith angrier.

"Your incompetence astounds me Morgause" she hissed, conjuring up another ball of fire, "there are often times where I have to assess whether your usefulness is truly worth the trouble"

Morgause tensed, clenching her hands together, "I realize that I made a…minor error in allowing Morgana to face Emrys alone, but we will recover her soon enough. The cloaking spell he put on her will wear off eventually and when it does, we will be able to retrieve her"

"Without her the prophesy cannot be complete and even if she has not fully transitioned, everything we have worked for up until this point will have been for nothing" Lilith sneered

"But isn't there still time, the prophesy isn't to be completed for sometime"

"It doesn't matter the time of which it takes place. If Morgana does not come willingly, then there will not purpose for it at all!"

Morgause nodded, not fully understanding what the older woman was saying, "Well, we will find her" she said, her voice only the bit shaky.

Lilith narrowed her eyes, bringing the fireball close to the younger woman's face before hissing "For your sake, you had better be right"

* * *

><p>When Morgana entered her chambers she was surprised to find that nothing had changed. Everything had been where she had left it, covered by a thin film of dust. She suspected that the servants were either too frightened to enter her rooms or the king had forbidden it, but either way, she could tell that no one had been in this room for a very long while.<p>

Taking a deep breath, Morgana walked farther into the room. It was somewhat surreal being in this space again, almost like the first time she was brought here after her father died and she was uprooted and torn from everything she had known. She used to hate it here, but now...

A knock on the door broke her out of her revere and Morgana turned around to see the maid from earlier.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but the king requests your presence in his chambers" the maid said in a surprisingly firm voice. _This girl was not afraid of her._

Morgana narrowed her eyes suspiciously; there was something about this girl... "Have we met, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before?"

To her surprise, Elaine just smiled casually "not exactly…" this only made Morgana even more confused, "we should leave now; Arthur and Gwen are expecting us soon"

"Arthur?" Morgana exclaimed, since when were maids on a first name basis with the king.

Elaine immediately backtracked, "I-I mean the King… is expecting us" she amended, but the damage had already been done.

"I observed that you were rather close with my brother before," Morgana said carefully "but I hadn't expected you to be on a first name basis with them"

But Elaine simply shrugged, unsure how to answer. "Merlin was the one who got me the job as the Queen's maidservant-"

"Merlin obtained your position?" Morgana asked, and Elaine did not miss how the older woman tensed at the sound of her friend's name.

"Yes, the Queen had refused to have a servant, but Merlin convinced her to hire me but only on the condition that I call her by her given name and not her title. The king soon followed suit."

Morgana nodded, seemingly acceptant of that answer "so what exactly is your relationship with Merlin, may I ask?"

Elaine laughed lightly "Do not worry, I don't plan on stealing him away from you"

Morgana blinked "W-What are you talking about? I-I don't-"

"Oh please Morgana I can see the way you two look at each other. Hell, a blind man could see it"

Morgana's eyes widened "b-but I-I"

"You can try and deny it all you wish but I know the truth," Elaine teased, and Morgana had never met any maid so bold in her life. Although, she did kind of like it

Morgana shook her head, her and Merlin's relationship was far too complicated to explain, especially to a stranger. Which reminded her, "what is your name, by the way?"

Elaine blinked just now coming to the realization that she in fact didn't know her name, "Oh. It's Elaine"

Morgana smirked, "well Elaine you certainly are one of the more interesting lot that I've met since coming back"

The girl then tilted her head in acknowledgement, "yeah, I get that a lot"

The two women then broke out in a bout of chuckles before Elaine regained her senses and remembered why she was there, "well, anyway. We really should go see the king or Merlin is going to come looking for us"

As they headed towards the courtyard to cross to the side of the castle where Arthur's chambers were, something occurred to her, "why am I not being accompanied by guards? I am still a fugitive after all, right?" Morgana asked, looking around her at the sudden lack of Camelot's finest. Apparently the patrols didn't increase in quality since the change to Arthur's rule.

Elaine shrugged, "perhaps he is trusting you not to cause trouble" she commented, with a hint of gravity in her tone.

Morgana nodded as they continued on their way when she and Elaine passed a group of noblewoman walking towards them.

"Oh Elaine, did you get my dress repaired? I need it by the feast tonight, and we wouldn't want the king to find out that you were treating a noblewoman's request without the utmost priority" one woman called, and Morgana could hear Elaine grumbling from beside her. Apparently her new semi-friend was not very fond of this woman.

"Yes milady" Elaine replied somewhat reluctantly, "it will be brought to you later on today"

"Splendid" the woman exclaimed, and then turned her attention on Morgana, "and I see you have a helper with you as well"

Morgana furrowed her brow the woman, curiosity taking over. Did the people really not remember who she was, or was this woman just daft. She had a feeling it was a bit of both. "Um yes, my name is the- I mean Morgana. Just Morgana"

The woman eyed her curiously, clearly viewing her as of lower caliber then herself. Which really wasn't that surprising because truthfully; she looked like a mess!

"I see... Well I am the Lady Katharine and these are the Ladies Aurora and Talia." Katharine motioned to the two women standing beside her "And I suggest that you both get to where you're going. I wouldn't want either of you to get into trouble" she said in that sickeningly sweet voice, then moved alone in the direction of the market.

Morgana nodded respectfully, just because she was no longer nobility did not mean that all those years of educate were lost on her. She had almost forgotten the petty antics of some of the nobility Uther had kept in his court, and Arthur obviously did not have time to change that. So she decided that it would probably best to stay away from woman like that, just until her position was established again.

Morgana had been so lost in her thoughts that she had completely forgotten about Elaine until her voice brought her out of her reverie, "Yeah so Lady Katharine, bit of a bitch"

The older woman turned to her counterpart with a mix of appall and admiration. But on seeing her face Elaine giggled, causing Morgana to follow shortly after as they continued on their way towards King Arthur's chambers.

* * *

><p>"Merlin would you stop pacing, your look like a girl" Arthur yelled, but the warlock merely sent a glare his way and continued his trek across the kings quarters.<p>

"What if something happened? You sent for them a while ago now…"

Merlin knew on some level that he was being completely irrational about this, but he couldn't help the sinking feeling that Morgana could have left the kingdom anyway. He didn't know if his heart could take not seeing her, and that is exactly what would happen if he let her slip through his fingers once again.

He had seen what she was like on her own, with no one there to guide her and comfort her. And God forbid Morgause find her. That woman was a problem, a problem that he would have to deal with at some point. But at the moment he was more concerned with her sister at the moment and what could lie ahead for them. Merlin firmly believed she belonged in Camelot. Ealdor was nice but this was her real home and no one could dispute that, not even her.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't desperate to know what his king was thinking, but at the moment, he had no idea what was going on in that man's head. All he had said was for someone to retrieve Morgana because he had made a decision. But what that decision was he had no idea. If he would pardon her or not? What her status would be if she were allowed in the city? How he would address her as a powerful magical presence.

All these thoughts were swirling around in his head as the door to the Kings chambers burst open and to woman came barreling through, giggling like a pair of courtiers.

"Nice of you to join us" Arthur remarked sarcastically as the two woman walked father into the room.

Morgana immediately sobered, but there was still traces of a smile on his lips "My apologies, we got held up by an unexpected… inconvenience." she stated cryptically, her eyes darting over to Elaine and then back to Arthur.

Arthur nodded, making a mental note to ask Elaine about it later before gesturing them both farther into the room. "So I suppose it's no surprise that you that there has been great deliberation about your future, not only in Camelot but at all."

Morgana swallowed but nodded, her eyes briefly going over to Merlin's and then looking away. It was hard seeing him so hopeful, knowing that her brother would never allow her to remain in Camelot. It was a fate she had long resigned herself to. She only hopped that she would be able to leave the city with her head firmly attached to her body.

"You have committed crimes against the crown, against my father, and against the people of this land…" Arthur continued with a grave voice, and Morgana looked down in shame. From the second she had seen the bodies lying in the streets where her guards had fired into the crowed in her name, she could never forget what she had done. Morgause may have been the one to give the order but she was the one who stood by and allowed such atrocities to happen. There was blood on her hands, and no matter what she did it would never come off.

"However"

Furrowing her brow in confusion, Morgana looked up to see her half brother's expression soften only the slightest bit. "You are my sister, you always have been even before I found out we shared the same blood. I can't just excuse what you did to my father, but I want to better understand why you did it. So, in punishment for you crimes, you are hereby forbidden to leave the city."

Morgana's eyes widened but she didn't dare say a word; lest she break this hallucination she was having.

"You're status as a Lady of Camelot will be restored, but Merlin here," he gestured to the gapping sorcerer "will monitor your magical activity for the time being until I can discern whether to allow you a separate position in court"

There was a long moment of silence that followed the king's announcement where everyone just stared at him like he had two heads.

"W-what?" Morgana was finally able to croak out, and the King of Camelot retained his stoic expression.

"A-Arthur, are you sure about this?" Gwen asked who Morgana had completely missed when she first arrived. It was also then that she noticed the little boy clinging to the queen.

Arthur turned back to Gwen for a moment and gave her a reassuring smile before turning back to face his half-sister "Yes, there will still be guard detail to accompany you until I see that you no longer need one, but otherwise you are free to go wherever you please within the city walls"

Morgana wasn't sure if she should be angry or ecstatic about this outcome. On the one hand, she now had a comfortable bed to sleep on, she was awarded protection that wouldn't be possible anywhere else, and she would be able to see Merlin more now that they were in the same place. But, one the other hand, she was basically as trapped as she was while Uther king. I mean granted she didn't fear for her life every thirty seconds and if she did want to learn more magic she could always just ask Merlin.

In the end, it was better that she was back in Camelot.

There was another long moment before Morgana finally got up the courage to speak, and after taking a breath to calm herself, "Thank you, My King", she replied and couldn't help the smile from her face any longer, "Thank you so much"

"But…Morgana, trust must be earned. The crimes you have committed against me and this kingdom will not be forgotten. If there is any indication of your old ways, you will be stripped of you rank and wealth, and I will be forced to execute you without hesitation"

There was a deafening silence that permeated the room after he finished speaking. All eyes were on the siblings as the two were locked in an intense staring contest, but finally Morgana's voice resounded.

"I understand and except these conditions"

Arthur nodded in approval, "Good"

And with that Morgana bowed low and left the room, but the tension in the air was still almost palpable. After a moment Arthur spoke again,

"I mean it Merlin," the king swiveled around to face his friend, "one slip up and I will be forced to have her dealt with"

Merlin gulped but nodded anyway, "very well, but I have faith that she won't. She's a good person Arthur; you know that better than anyone"

"The woman that I knew, the one I grew up with. She was a good person, and I am putting faith in the fact that she is still there" Arthur then rounded on his wife, who had been unnervingly quiet throughout the whole conversation. "Guinevere, what do you think?"

Gwen sighed, "I just hope that both of you are right"

* * *

><p>Morgana walked determinedly back to her chambers, lost in her own thoughts to notice any other presences. All these thoughts were swirling around in her head and she had absolutely no idea what to do anymore. Her original plan to go back to Ealdor had been shattered the moment she stepped through the city gates. And she had the distinct feeling that the reason for her extended stay had to do with a certain dark haired warlock.<p>

But what did that mean now. What was she to do now that she was back in the place she grew up in? Morgana knew Camelot like the back of her hand, if she really tried that was nothing stopping her from simply leaving. But she would also prefer it if Arthur, or worse, Merlin, did not go off on a manhunt to bring her back here.

And, if she had the choice, would she really want to leave? Camelot was not longer a prison where she had to keep her magic hidden from the world. She no longer had to live in fear of being executed just for the gifts she was born with. And everyone she loved was in this city, except for Hunith, so really, what was her purpose for leaving?

By this time Morgana had already returned to her chambers and was pacing around the room when a presence suddenly became known to her.

"That went better than expected"

Jumping at the sound of someone's voice, Morgana spun around to see that Elaine had followed her, "What are you doing here?" she asked, eyeing the other woman suspiciously. She didn't understand what this woman's strange fascination was with her but at the moment she wasn't really in the mood to deal with people.

"I came to bring you your dinner" she said slowly, and it was then that Morgana noticed the tray of food that she was carrying.

"Ah, well I'm not especially hungry so-" Morgana was cut off by her stomach growling in protest. _Traitor!_

"Riiiight" Elaine said slowly, still putting the tray down on the table. "Well I think your stomach disagrees with you there"

Morgana rolled her eyes but said nothing and instead opted to gaze out the window, watching the sun set over the horizon.

"Did you miss it?" Morgana turned around at the woman's inquiry, confusion marring her brow, "Camelot, I mean"

The sorceress sighed before sitting down at the table and picking at a grape from the fruit basked Elaine had brought earlier.

"At times. I had always had mixed feelings about this place ever since was first uprooted here those many years ago. I suppose it was more the people I missed than anything else." She wasn't sure why she was even answering the questions of a servant, but there was just something about his woman that made her open up. It was like talking to an old friend, like they knew each other from long ago. "Are you sure we have not met before, you do seem awfully familiar"

Elaine took a deep breath, contemplating over and over in her head the right time to reveal this bit of information, or if there was any right time. But hey, not time like the present.

The younger woman shook her head, "no, I was raised by my sister far away from Camelot."

Morgana's eyebrows rose, "really?"

"Well her and about thirty other high priestesses. My sister wasn't exactly of the nurturing type"

Morgana gave the girl a sad smile, "I'm sorry…"

"Its fine, I knew a long time ago that I would never live up to Morgause's expectations" Elaine mentioned casually, but there was still some underlying pain in her voice.

. . . "I'm sorry, what?"

Elaine smirked knowingly in that all too familiar way. It was then that Morgana was hit with the realization that this woman was a lot more then she appeared. There was a moment where all the wheels turned in her head until she was left gapping at the brazen young girl who had just thrown her for a loop.

"You know when I was younger, I had always heard about you. From Morgause and various others, plus the prophesy, but finally meeting you in real life is someone illusory"

Finally her cognitive functions began to work again but she was just able to choke out "What prophesy? H-How"

"There is a drawing about our family written on the walls of the temple on the Isle of the Blessed. And in it, one of the three sisters will be more powerful than the others. She would be the key to unlock ultimate power. When I was born, I gave off clear signs that showed I possessed magic. And because of this, our deal sister thought that I would be the one the old writings spoke of. So when I was still a baby and you were still too young to remember me, she took me. I grew up the knowledge that my parents didn't want me, and that I would never be who my sister wanted me to be."

Elaine could feel tears in her eyes but refused to let them fall. She hadn't cried in such a long time and refused to allow them to fall now.

Morgana just gazed at the woman in front of her, trying with all her might to contemplate this new information. The fact that she had another sister, and that her other sister could be so cruel. It was just so much.

"I-I don't-"

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. But I just wanted you to know who I was, and the kind of danger you're in"

"What do you mean?"

Elaine looked away for a moment, and then turned her gaze back onto Morgana "It is not possible to just leave. _They_ won't let you"

The witch's eyes widened, "So you know about them as well?"

Elaine nodded, "Yes, and they will come for you. I'm not certain who they will send and I'm not sure when, but they will."

"What do I do?"

Her sister sighed and sat down with her, "for now, just try to earn back Arthur's trust. You safer in Camelot then you would be on your own. And I'm pretty sure Merlin placed a cloaking spell on you so they won't be able to find you so easily."

"But what about the others, will they not be in danger if I stay."

Elaine shrugged, "It's possible, but remember we do have Emrys on our side. And the only one who could ever even hope to defeat him is…well…you. And I don't think that's a top priority for you at the moment"

Morgana blushed and chuckled a little, "So then what do I do? Should I tell them? I don't want them to give Arthur any more reasons not to trust me"

"I think that for now it would be better to just keep this between us. I don't want Arthur questioning your loyalties or think that you're manipulating me from our newly found kinship. Except for Merlin, you should tell him about everything"

"I agree. But we do have quite a bit to catch up on" Morgana stated and Elaine nodded sheepishly, "so let's start with what-"

Morgana was cut off by a knocking on her door. Elaine immediately hopped out of her chair and ran off to open the door.

"And speak of the devil…"

"Was I interrupting something" Merlin smiled at the two ladies as he entered noticing the food that had been felt out.

"No, we were just about to start dinner. Care to join us?"

"Actually I have some chores to do. Linins don't wash themselves you know" Elaine began walking towards before throwing over her shoulder "you two kids have fun now"

Morgana rolled her eyes while Merlin simply chuckled, while eyeing her suspiciously "since when did you two become so close"

The young sorceress sighed and plopped down at the table, motioning for Merlin to do the same "you better sit down for this, things just got a great deal more complicated"

* * *

><p>"You have got to be kidding me"<p>

"Afraid not"

"Do the fates like to torture us?"

"Um excuse me, who is the one getting the brunt of disaster formally known as my life?"

"Oh come on, I have equal parts in this as you do"

"Ohhh kay, if that's what helps you sleep at night"

"I know something else that would help me sleep at night" Merlin wagged his eyebrows suggestively and Morgana promptly swatted him on the chest.

"Down Kugo"

Morgana chuckled at Merlin's antics but the awkward silence that followed was somewhat stifling. They still had not discussed the nature of their relationship and the taboo subject was becoming harder to avoid with each passing second. Plus it didn't help that Merlin was the king of awkwardness. But this was something that needed to be address, and she had a feeling he was not going to like it.

"Merlin, we need to talk"

"Well that's never a good sign"

"Merlin I'm serious." She gave him a firm look to emphasize her point and sighed "I know that back in Ealdor we had sort of…picked up where we left off. But not that I'm back in Camelot, I think it would be best if our relationship remained purely friendship based."

She could see his displeasure with that statement clear on his face, but this was necessary.

"I can't risk Arthur thinking I'm…manipulating you in that way. He already thinks I brainwashed you as is, and if he knew about our...history, things could get even more complicated than they already are"

She tried to take his hand but he pulled away, and stood up.

"It's for the best"

"The best for who Morgana"

"Don't"

She hardened her eyes just as he had and stood up as well. Without another word Merlin disappeared through the door, the wood almost breaking off its hinges in his rage.

"Well, that went well"

**A/N : Holy Crap it has been FOREVER since that last time I updated this story. Really sorry guys but thank you to everyone who reviewed or even looked at this chapter. I know it was really bad but considering the rest of the story is slightly better written. **

**Thoughts, questions, oh and if someone could send me some cupcakes that would be great too, thanks y'all**


	13. What Happened Between You and Me?

"Alright, what happened?"

"I don't know what you mean"

"Oh do not give me that Morgana. Merlin has been sulking around like a kicked puppy for days now and you have been avoiding him like the plague. So, I can only make the brilliant deduction that something happened between you too. Now talk"

Morgana sighed and looked up from her book to see Elaine standing over her. With her hands on her hips and that disapproving gaze, she was reminded of the times when Merlin would do that whenever she tried to do something stupid. It makes her wonder how much time her sister and her beloved really spent together and no that is not jealously. Shut up!

"I…may have told him that we should stop seeing each other"

Elaine was almost floored when she heard this, "well that certainly explains it. May I ask why you put him in such a perpetual state of patheticness?"

Morgana snorted and rolled her eyes "Patheticness, really?"

"Yes patheticness, but seriously, the guy is depressing to even _look_ at. I mean is he really _that_ hopeless without you"

The older woman grimaced and nodded slightly "A little. We depended on each other a lot even before I knew of his magic"

"How long have you two actually been, you know…together"

"On and off, about four…years"

"_Years_?" Elaine's eyebrows rose in surprise while Morgana just shrugged.

"And why again did you tell him you two couldn't see each other?"

"The same reason Arthur doesn't know that we are sisters. My relationship with the kingdom is tentative at best. If Arthur knew I had a relationship with Merlin he would think I was manipulating him or something"

"Morgana that's ridiculous"

"No it's not. I've done some horrible things to them. I wouldn't be surprised if they never forgave me. It's just better this way"

Elaine crossed her arms and fixed her sister with a knowing look "for who exactly?"

* * *

><p>They had been avoiding each other for days now and he felt like he was going insane. After missing someone for so long and finally having the chance to be near them, then not being able to be around them because they took your heart and smashed it into little tiny bits. Let's just say the absence of their presence is only <em>slightly<em> excruciating.

He misses her, he knows he misses her, but he also can't look at her without wanting to kiss her and he can't do that anymore. He knows that it's his fault. He's the one that brought her here; he's the one that wanted her to stay. But still, his heart hurts and he doesn't know what to do anymore because it hurts to be around her but it hurts even more to not. He knows he's been acting strange. He knows that even Arthur and Gwen have noticed, but he really can't bring himself to care.

He's taken to watching her from a window overlooking the courtyard as she walks back from the markets with Elaine. She's been spending a great deal of time with her newfound family member and he can see how uncomfortable it is making Gwen. Still, he can't really bring himself to feel bad about it. Morgana's glowing, radiating happiness and it burns him a little inside that she's not as messed up as he is. She deserves to be happy though. She deserves to live her life without fear of being punished because of _his _selfishness.

He _knows_ that everything she has done is his fault, that he drove her to do these things. If he had trusted her in the first place, _believed_ in her more, she never would have been drawn into the darkness. She belongs in the light, she always has because she _shines_ and he sees that every time she smiles.

He's already taken so much from her, and even though it hurts, he knows that he can't bring himself to rip that smile from her face. That could be too cruel. And even still, she-

"Merlin, Wake Up!"

Merlin snaps out of his thoughts to see the Once and Future King and Queen staring at him with concern.

"I'm sorry what?"

Arthur throws his fork down in exasperation "Jesus! Merlin what is with you? You've been moping around for days now and acting even more incompetent than usual, now what is it?"

"It's nothing, not important" he mutters straitening up. It does little to cover up how distracted he's been but really there's no harm in trying.

Arthur rolled his eyes "well if it's not important then why-"

The door suddenly opens and in walks his half sister looking as regal as ever. There's a reason Morgana has always been considered the most desired women in the kingdom.

"You wished to see me sire" she addresses him directly but her eyes flicker over to his right for the briefest of seconds and his suspicions are confirmed. If there is anyone he knows as well as himself, it's Morgana and she has been acting much the same way his unfocused friend has. She is simply better at hiding it.

"Yes, there are some druids in the lower town that I wish to negotiate with, but they will not speak with Merlin. Something about following the triple goddess" He sees her sister stiffen when he says this and eyes her suspiciously "Do you know what they are talking about?"

Morgana hesitates for a moment before nodding "They follow the older teachings of the Old Religion instead of Emrys. It is the same as Christianity and Judaism. They do not believe he is the savior of magic, merely a powerful sorcerer" she replies but refuses to look at Merlin.

"Then how do you suppose we deal with them if not through Merlin?"

"I was made a Priestess of the Triple Goddess and I follow the same teachings. They will speak with me if you wish"

The King nods his head albeit reluctantly. He still does not fully trust Morgana but he knows she is trying. He has witnessed her trips to the lower town to aid as much of the poor as she can and has heard from Gaius about her assistance in healing many of the sick through magic. Apparently she is more skilled in healing spells then his all powerful Court Sorcerer. She has earned at least this much.

"Alright, tomorrow we will go into the lower town and…pick some flowers for the upcoming feast Morgana are you listening?"

While he had been talking her gaze had met Merlin's and they had been staring at each other in a trance since. Just now snapping out of it Morgana broke her gaze with the warlock and turned back to her half brother "Join you in the lower town tomorrow, yes Arthur"

The King of Camelot rolled his eyes at his sisters antics but dismissed her all the same "You may go now." Bowing slightly she left without another word leaving the royals to question their friend about what they hell was going on.

"Merlin, what was between you two?" Arthur asks after the silence settles in and Merlin returns to staring off into space. For some reason, he's not sure he expects an answer. So his shock is even greater when his friend's voice reverberates throughout the room.

"We were in love"

* * *

><p>"Elaine!"<p>

Morgana searched all thought the halls for that damned sister of hers. Why the hell can she never find that girl when she needs her? Heading towards the King and Queen's chambers, it was not uncommon for her to find Elaine tending to one of her duties as the Queen's handmaidens. However, upon opening the door to their chambers she is met with the sight of the Queen and her son sitting at the dining table.

"Oh, my apologies but have you seen Elaine?" she asked from the doorway. She doesn't dare enter though and she feels there might as well be an ocean between them.

"I believe that she is in the lower town doing some deliveries for Gaius" Gwen replied and Morgana promptly bowed before moving to leave.

"Wait"

Morgana stopped and turned back to her old friend almost dreading what she had to say.

"If you are not busy, do you mind sitting with me?"

The raven haired woman was about to decline but curiosity got the best of her. After everything that she had done, what could Gwen possibly want to do with her? Entering the chambers with cautious steps, Morgana slowly sat down in the chair adjacent to the Queens and waited in uncomfortable silence. When had everything become so awkward between them? Although, she had a feeling it was around the time she had framed the girl for sorcery. Not one of her proudest moments.

"What is happening between you and Merlin?"

What? Why the hell would she ask her about that of all things? They weren't _that _noticeable were they-…Alight point taken. But that didn't stop Morgana from gaping and stuttering and her.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Merlin told us that you were in love"

Oh, so that's how.

There was another long awkward moment of silence with Morgana staring at the table and Gwen's eyes boring into the side of her head. There seem to be a lot of those these days, or maybe that's just me.

"So…?" Gwen questioned after it was clear the other woman wasn't going to speak.

"So…what?"

"So…do you want to tell me how the hell that happened and I'm just hearing about this _now_?"

Morgana is thrown a little bit off kilter that she's cross about _that_ of all things so she's really just left with her mouth agape at this particular moment. Twenty years of educate and… nothing. When had she become so bad at the whole, talking thing?

"Well?"

"Um…it's, it's kind of complicated"

"Alright then let's start at the beginning, when did you two first start seeing each other?"

Thinking for a moment, the raven haired woman replied "maybe the fall of the year I took over the throne, around that time"

Gwen's jaw drops "That long?"

"Yep"

"I knew you were hiding something but.._._ Wow. So then, what happened?"

Morgana sighed "Many things, my exile, the duel, my return. So much has happened it's hard to keep track"

"He still has feelings for you, you must know that. A blind man could see it"

_Irony, party of two._

Letting out a long breath, the sorceress nodded reluctantly "I do, but…"

"But what?"

"Arthur"

Gwen was confused now, "Arthur, what about him?"

"My relationship with him and the kingdom is fragile. I do not want anyone thinking I'm using Merlin for my own personal gain"

"Morgana that's ridiculous"

Hmm where have I heard that one before? "Is it? I grew up in Camelot's Court remember. I know how those nobles think. And even if Arthur believed me they will not. I won't risk the people's faith in the kings most trusted advisor for something that was doomed from the beginning anyway"

"Doomed from the beginning?"

"Merlin and I are the complete opposites of each other. We're too different. It's just for the best"

Sensing that this conversation wasn't going anywhere, Gwen simply nodded and was grateful for the distraction when Thomas began squirming in his mother's arms.

"What is it my darling?" she cooed sitting him up on her lap. "He looks just like his father" she comments and Morgana's eyes attached themselves to the little boy. He smiles happily; the attention is all on him.

"Oh he's way cuter then Arthur was, as a baby that boy scared away half his nannies just at the sight of him" Gwen can't help the laugh that escapes her throat. She had almost forgotten that after everything on some level Arthur and Morgana were still very much the same sibling they always were. It's seems almost laughable now, but she remembers the time where she had been convinced they were going to marry. Looking it back on it though, they really were more brother and sister than anything else.

"How old is he?" Morgana asked breaking Gwen from her thoughts. However when she heard the question a slight tinge of red graced her cheeks.

"Well he was conceived…um…while Uther was still alive" the Queen flushed scarlet and Morgana had to bite down a laugh.

"Gwen" the sorceress teased with feigned look of appall "you conceived a child out of wedlock, how scandalous"

The dark skinned woman was ready to die from embarrassment. This was all Arthur's fault. _Damn that man. _"Uther died before anyone found out though, and Arthur and I got married right after so people would believe the child was conceived during our wedding night. Although, you know how people gossip. Most of the other lady's in court say Arthur only married me because I tricked him into giving him an heir"

Morgana almost scoffed, not surprised at all "Gwen you do remember I grew up in that world. I am very aware of the nobles ability to spread falsehoods" she grabbed the other woman's hand and gave a reassuring a squeeze "But you are their Queen now, and they can either except that or be dismissed from court. Or we can put them in the stocks, your choice"

Gwen giggled and felt the kind of comfort she hasn't experienced in a long time, but was then reminded how truly different things were now "What happened to us Morgana? Why did you leave? What did I do to have you hate me so much?"

The High Priestess watched with shame as her old friends eyes glazed over with unshed tears and she could feel her own waiting to burst "I could never hate you Gwen. I hated Uther. I hated what he stood for and I hated the people who supported him. I was so determined, so blind. I wanted to make things better for my people I didn't care who stood in my way, even if that person was you. I am so sorry for what I did to you" she wiped the tears that were falling freely down her face but she didn't care. These words were too important and she needed Gwen to know how much she truly regretted hurting her. "I just hope that one day you could find it in you to forgive me"

"I do forgive you"

"You shouldn't"

"Well too bad"

Morgana couldn't help but let out a shaky laugh "Thank you. You'll always have me you know, to fend off those savage noble women"

Gwen's smile lights up her face "And you have me"

* * *

><p>Morgana finally left Gwen's after some time and she was feeling really good now that she had her old friend back. It was such a relief to have more than one person in Camelot she could talk to.<p>

"Morgana!" Merlin yelled from across the courtyard. He jogged over to her and she slowed her stride, allowing him to catch up to her "Where are you going?"

"I'm on my way to the library"

" Oh well let me accompany you, I'm on my way to the council chambers anyway" Merlin said as they made began a leisurely pace. They haven't spoken properly since the time in her chambers. Merely brief glances and small waves. It has never been so awkward between them and neither is comfortable with it. The silence is deafening and Morgana cannot stand it any longer.

"This is stupid"

Merlin pauses in shock and lifts his eyes brows in silent questioning.

"Just because we are no longer…lovers, doesn't mean we still can't be friends" she mutters 'lovers' just in case there are any who wish to listen in on their conversation "we were friends before and I see no reason why we cannot be again"

The warlock sighs "you're right, and as much as I hate to admit it, I miss talking with you. There is only so much clotpole you can take before you want to chop your head off"

Morgana's laugh is as beautiful as ever and he wonders how he could have gone days without hearing it.

"Yes I suppose so. Then it's decided, friends" she lifts her hand for him to shake and he does so without hesitation, but he can't seem to let go of her hand after he's got it. He can feel her magic just underneath her skin begging to connect with his own and when they meet each other's gaze it is so hard to pull away from her jade green eyes. He has always loved her eyes. However, finally after a longer moment then necessary, she breaks their contact and continues to walk because somehow they had stopped and he pushes to catch up with her again. He is always left following after her.

"Friends," he agrees "so what's new?"

"Me and Gwen made up" she told him

"Really that's great"

"Yeah I have missed her a great deal and I love Elaine, but sometimes she can be a bit much"

"Well she is your sister"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean"

Merlin smirked "well I'm just saying, your whole family is not the best at domestic work in general. But, at least she can make a decent loaf of bread unlike _somebody_ I know"

Morgana made an mock offended face "hey it was my first time doing anything like that"

"You almost burnt my house down"

"Did not"

"Did to"

"Did not"

"Did to"

"Merlin?" Lady Katharine chimed in after she rounding the corner and saw them together. What they hell is that little wretch doing with _her_ Merlin?

"Lady Katharine" Merlin greeted politely bowling curtly while Morgana simply nodded.

Katharine bowed in return and gave Merlin the most fake smile the sorceress has ever seen. And she knows fake smiles. Hell she practically invented the craft. But this woman's smile makes her want to gag.

After another awkward moment passed and Merlin realized that they had finally arrived at the library. So, not wanting to make the situation more uncomfortable then it already was, he decided it was best to excuse himself before he could get blamed for anything bad happening in the near future. And no that's not being a coward; it's called choosing your battles wisely.

"Well Arthur expecting me. And if I'm late for another meeting he'll put me in the stocks. Until later." Merlin then bowed to both ladies and Katharine and Morgana nodded in acknowledgment before he departed to the council chambers, smiling at Morgana as he left which did not go unnoticed by Katharine.

Pursing her lips, the other woman turned to Morgana. "What is your relationship with the king's advisor?" she asked abruptly.

Why does everyone want to know her business all of a sudden? Is her personal life really that interesting or do they just not have anything better to do. Morgana looked at her taken back by the sudden inquiry "um we're...friends, sort of"

" Well you should know that he and I are very close" Katharine defended

"Okay..." Morgana said awkwardly "I'm not sure why you telling me this"

"I'm just informing you for future reference, you seem to think that you can build a relationship with him, but he has much more...refine tastes. Besides, the position of his future bride has already been filled" Katharine said smugly.

Morgana, on the other hand, was too speechless to react and just stared at the woman, gaping and her sheer gall. Who did this woman think she was? Thinking that she was better than _her_, the highest ranking Lady in Camelot. She was much more 'refine' then this little shrew. Besides, Merlin belonged to her and no one else. This woman really needed to learn her place.

Katherine had with an obnoxiously wide smirk on her face. Is that what she looked like? No. She was far prettier then that wench. Even if she wasn't, Merlin still loved her more than anyone else, or at the very least cared about her more than _this_ woman of all people. But before she could tell her such, the _refined_ _Lady Katherine_ swept away with all the elegance of a drowned cat. In her opinion anyway.

_Well, that just happened. _

* * *

><p>"So you're plan worked?"<p>

"Yes, after Emrys found her ill he took her back to Camelot. We should have no trouble retrieving her from there. Merlin's first mistake was leaving her alone at all, and it will be his last"

"Good, you're finally proving yourself useful again Morgause"

The other woman didn't say anything as Lilith approached the seer's poor to watch Morgana go about her day. "Now how are you planning to extract her without causing an all out war?"

"I am going to use someone whom Morgana trusts as bait, to let her guard down"

"And who would that be?"

Morgause smirked darkly "Why our sister of course"

* * *

><p><em><strong><strong>See you didn't have to wait a whole year for this update. I'm getting better I promise...sort of.<strong>**_

_**Firstly sorry for all the grammar mistakes. As a rule I suck at grammar in general. Ya I'm sad I know but what can you do. **_

_**I'd also like to say thank you to the crap ton of people who viewed and followed and reviewed and just liked it in general. I don't know why you like it but whatever, as long as you do I'm cool with it. Thank you so much XD. I even added a face for emphasis.**_

_** Oh and btw, this is a response to the question about Ancients, yes i did see stargate and yes the name "ancient" sort of came from that but they are not the same thing. Adria was my fave btw but thats also because I love Morena Baccarin. She plays Inara in Firefly and if you haven't seen that, drop what your doing right now and go watch it because it is awesome but ya.**_

_**I'll update soon, honestly I'm just trying to get this story done and it's only got a few chapters left. Coming down to the wire people but ya. **_

_**Again thank you everyone and tell me what all ya'll think. **_


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